"In My Merry Oldsmobile"

Something I saw on another blog several months ago brought back a memory.  Actually it's kind of a second hand memory because it is a memory from my mother's childhood that she told to me during MY childhood....all of that adds up to a story that happened a looong time ago!!. 

I never met any of my Great Grandfathers, but my mom vividly remembered her father's father.  Evidently there was absolutely no doubt who was in charge of that family.  My great grandfather ruled with an iron fist.  Both he and my great grandmother were from Germany and as many Germans of that time, he was a hard-line disciplinarian and unchallenged head of the house.  I believe it is fair to say that he intimidated his wife and all of his children (of which there were six or seven, I believe.) rather consistently.  What Father says, goes!  No questions.  I don't really know much about him however.  I have no idea how he supported the family.  I don't know his profession.  I don't believe he was wealthy, but I do think they were "comfortable."   I have never seen a photograph of my great grandfather, but I have always thought of him as a rather large man, dressed to the nines,  who bellowed!

Even after my grandfather married and had 11 children of his own, his father remained the head of the family....his WHOLE  family up until the day he died.  A case in point....

At some point in the 1930s (after the start of the Depression) my great-grandfather bought a great, big, shiny, black car that  would hold quite a lot of people.  I don't remember what make mom said  it was, but in my mind it has always been an Oldsmobile, probably because of the song "In My Merry Oldsmobile."   The car may well have been an Oldsmobile, but after hearing mom tell the story, I'm not at all sure it ever could have been considered "Merry"!!

You see, my great grandfather couldn't, or wouldn't (I don't remember which) drive, so he let my grandfather have use of the car.  The hitch was that Great-Grandfather wouldn't let Gramps drive the car alone!  He insisted on going along where ever and when ever they were going somewhere!   Mom told me he would sit in the back seat, like an enthroned king, and proceed to drive my grandfather crazy with his backseat driving!!   Mom said that when they got home from one of their rides, Gramps would be in a bad mood for the rest of the day.  I can understand why.  I'm sure he resented being told how and where to drive by his father!  Still, I guess it was a small price to pay for the use of an auto when you have none of your own!

Going for a ride was a highlight for all the kids.  The 11 kids in mom's family would have to take turns going with and they used to argue fiercely about whose turn it was to go for a ride in their Grandfather's big shiny car.  The kids had a great time.  Even though their grandfather was a tyrant, I guess they all thought it was worth putting up with, just to go for a ride.  I probably would have thought so too!

I don't think this is the same car, but since this was taken around 1949, I guess it could have been.  But one thing I do know for sure, my Gramps had a much better time driving without his father in the back seat!  He could finally go wherever he wanted "In My His Merry Oldsmobile!"

"Things I Couldn't Say" ( aka Dear So and So)\

So today is Friday, and you know what that means!!  It's time to post a new batch of "Things I Couldn't Say" or Dear So and So.....because there are a few things I'd really like to have corrected please.  For instance....


Dear Writers Who Self Publish,

I have previously expressed my dissatisfaction with several things that go along with a Kindle e-reader, so you know that I am not and unqualified fan.  I like reading on the Kindle, its easy.  I like carrying the Kindle instead of big ol' heavy hardcover books, its easy.  I like being able to download several books to have choices at my beck and call, its easy (except for the navigating part....but that's a different rant altogether).  Because I am basically unwilling to pay more than $5-10 for a book on the Kindle (it must be a generational thing....even though I have access to the book, I do not feel that I have something actually in my possession), I find myself looking for things for $2 and under, which leads me to the free books and the $.99 books....and those frequently turn out to be works that have been self-published by their authors.

I can certainly understand the lure of making your book, or novella, or whatever available to the masses without having to deal with a publishing company.  Going directly to the consumer must seem so easy in comparison.

Unfortunately, however, the problem with not going through a publishing company is that although  you don't have to deal with the hassle, you don't get any of the services either....like EDITORS, or PROOF READERS, or HONEST CRITIQUES of your work.

Independently published e-books are almost always filled with spelling mistakes, grammatical errors, incorrect or missing citations of factual information, poor punctuation, uninteresting sentence structure, etc.  Some, of course, are worse than others, but really, would it be that much of  a problem to work with an freelance editor or hire a proof reader so that your book is not an insult to the intelligence of your readers?    I am speaking here of the nuts and bolts of the actual writing.  I am a fast reader, but even at my speed all those errors practically jump off the page, yelling, "Hey, look at me!  I'm a doozy of a mistake!  Did you see this one???"  They are like road blocks that bring things to a grinding halt while we try to figure out what you were TRYING to say!

As to the content, writing ability, plots, characters, plausibility, structure, and so on....well, all I can say to most of you is...."Did you ever consider that all those publishers who declined to publish  your book, just might have turned it down for a very good reason???

I'm sorry, but just because you can type up a 10,000 word manuscript that your mother and your BFF like, doesn't mean you are actually a "writer".

Disgruntled,
Mel

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Dear Amazon,

May I draw your attention to the above letter, please?  Does anyone have any control over books that show up in your inventory of e-books??  And if not, why not??  Most of these self-published works are so badly written that they are painful to read, much less finish. 

I think you owe it to your customers to provide information on the ebooks you sell.  It would be very helpful to see annotations such as  Unedited, Self-published, Short Novella, Christian perspective, or whatever so we know what we are buying. 

Self-published books used to be known as Vanity Press,  Even though there is no paper involved anymore, its pretty much the same thing.
Disappointed,
Mel

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Dear M-t-G,

I know that you are going to  audition for next year's Middle School Orchestra this Saturday.  Try not to be too nervous, sweetie.  Just play your violin the way you have done at your recitals.  You can do it!!  All they are really trying to learn is the level you are playing at, so they can put you into the right group.  You will be fine!!  Really!

With love,
Grammy

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Dear Hammacher-Schlemmer,

My hat is off to you (if I was wearing a hat), you have outdone yourselves.  Your catalog has always contained unusual and strange merchandise that one would never expect to find.  I was very happy with the genuine Irish Shillelagh that I purchased for the Big Guy at Christmas, and the Christmas Popper orchestra was a big hit at our family's Christmas Day gathering.

But this time you have something truly unique, a one-of-a-kind, penultimate gift that could only be desired by an extremely discriminating buyer.  I commend your staff for offering this incredible piece of American History for sale in the open market.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  

......For those of you who don't receive the Hammacher-Schlemmer catalog, the item being offered is unbelievable.  Really!  It is a genuine (though never used) , PT boat from WWII!!  The PT Boat was built in 1945, but was never commissioned to sea.  (I think the war ended before that could happen).

It is in perfect working order, is sea-worthy, and contains all of its original armaments (disabled, of course).  It is being offered for the tidy sum of  1,000,000 American Dollars!  (There was no mention made of any additional charges for Shipping and Handling!)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 

 Anchors Aweigh!
 Mel

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Dear Kia Dealer,

You remember a couple of weeks ago when I made several appearances at your Service Dept, with a "Check Engine" light that wouldn't stay off?  Well, guess what??  It's back on....again!!!

Consequently,  I'll see you tomorrow!  Get ready!

Repeatedly,
Mel

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Dear Blogland,

http://3bedroombungalow.blogspot.com/ ), hook up with her Linky and add your own! It's a great way to blow off steam, and you can read lots of other letters even grumpier than mine!!

Your friend,
Mel

"Sooner Rather Than Later"

I'm not much of a car person.  Other than putting gas in it (when I can afford to!!), I'm pretty much clueless.  I just want a car that runs, gets me where I want to go and back again, is relatively safe and big enough to accommodate my shopping trips!  That said, over the years I have, however, had several pretty nifty little cars....a Corvair convertible, a Mustang, and a little red Fiero that I just loved!

Currently, I drive a 2006 Kia Sportage.  It's not a cute little sporty car, but it suits me now.  It's a comfortable car for me....not too big, not too small....I sit up a bit above regular cars which is helpful for a short.....uh.....little.....diminutive person such as I. It gets ok (not great, but ok) gas mileage. and all the seats fold over or back so that you can transport large objects. Very convenient. It's not as cute as my little red Fiero (or the Mustang or the Corvair), but I like it.

One of the selling features of the Kia (which originated in south Korea) is that it comes with a 10-Year/100,000 Mile warranty which covers all the major parts (the technical term is the "drive train", whatever that is). Now 100,000 miles is a lot of miles. It used to be that in any given year most people typically drove about 10,000 miles, so that 100,000 mile warranty would last a really long time. I don't know about most people, but I don't put 10,000 miles on my car in a year....it's more like 15,000 miles! (I drive around a lot...from pillar to post, you might say, as everywhere I go in Austin seems to be at the farthest away opposite corner of the city.)

Anyway, in the 5 1/2 years I've had the car, I've managed to log almost 75,000 miles! At the rate I'm racking up the miles, that warranty, which should last about 10 years, is going to run out in about 7 years! Hmpff!

None of this would matter too much at the moment if it weren't for one very pesky little "Check Engine" light that has come on several times in the last couple of years. When it comes on, I dutifully take the car to the Kia dealer, they run their little scanner to decipher the code, and it turns out to be the same thing. A heat sensor in the transmission is giving off a warning. So the mechanics tear it all apart, check everything out, and can't find anything wrong, so they put it all back together, reset the connection to the "Check Engine" light thingy, wash my car (because they feel bad for wasting my time) and off I go. Nothing wrong, no charge, clean car, see ya!

Well, last week the silly light went off, they decided to replace the sensor and hopefully that would fix the problem. It didn't! The morning after the replacement was made, I went into my garage, walked to my car, and nearly stepped into a BIG puddle of pink, oily liquid....transmission fluid....all over my garage floor! Hmmmm, that can't be good! I don't know much about cars, but even I could figure out I shouldn't drive it when the transmission fluid was all over my floor!

So it was towed to the dealer and the upshot was that the guy that had worked on the car, hadn't waiting long enough for the sealant to cure before he finished off the replacement. Consequently, I had a pink, oily garage floor! Okay, they re-did everything, washed my car again (!) and away I went. All fixed, no charge, clean car, see ya!

Two days passed, driving home from somewhere in the late afternoon, minding my own business, when BOIIIINNNG! "Check Engine" pops up. Once I finished swearing, yelling, and pounding my fist against the steering wheel, I called the Kia Service Guy.

"Hi, Gene! How are you? You having a nice day? Before you ask, my day could be a lot better."

"Hi, Mrs. D, what's up?" he said warily.

So I told him. Took it back to them, they took it all apart and re-did, re-set and re-checked the whole thing. This shouldn't happen again, but if it does, they will replace the whole transmission. No charge, no change, no wash, no joy in Mudville! Bye.

So now I've got a warranty that will most likely run out within the next 18 months....and I'm trying hard not to kind of hope that if it's going to happen again, that it happen soon!! Do you have any idea what a new transmission costs???? I think you could buy a small country with that kind of dough!!
And once that odometer hits 100,000, it's all over...that's all she wrote....the fat lady has sung....and it's a diet of bread and water for us!

I feel funny about hoping that if it's going to happen, it happen "Sooner Rather Than Later"....but if it does  and Kia has to cover the cost to replace the transmission.....well, I won't even complain if they don't wash the car!