"Things I Couldn't Say" ( aka Dear So and So)\

So today is Friday, and you know what that means!!  It's time to post a new batch of "Things I Couldn't Say" or Dear So and So.....because there are a few things I'd really like to have corrected please.  For instance....


Dear Writers Who Self Publish,

I have previously expressed my dissatisfaction with several things that go along with a Kindle e-reader, so you know that I am not and unqualified fan.  I like reading on the Kindle, its easy.  I like carrying the Kindle instead of big ol' heavy hardcover books, its easy.  I like being able to download several books to have choices at my beck and call, its easy (except for the navigating part....but that's a different rant altogether).  Because I am basically unwilling to pay more than $5-10 for a book on the Kindle (it must be a generational thing....even though I have access to the book, I do not feel that I have something actually in my possession), I find myself looking for things for $2 and under, which leads me to the free books and the $.99 books....and those frequently turn out to be works that have been self-published by their authors.

I can certainly understand the lure of making your book, or novella, or whatever available to the masses without having to deal with a publishing company.  Going directly to the consumer must seem so easy in comparison.

Unfortunately, however, the problem with not going through a publishing company is that although  you don't have to deal with the hassle, you don't get any of the services either....like EDITORS, or PROOF READERS, or HONEST CRITIQUES of your work.

Independently published e-books are almost always filled with spelling mistakes, grammatical errors, incorrect or missing citations of factual information, poor punctuation, uninteresting sentence structure, etc.  Some, of course, are worse than others, but really, would it be that much of  a problem to work with an freelance editor or hire a proof reader so that your book is not an insult to the intelligence of your readers?    I am speaking here of the nuts and bolts of the actual writing.  I am a fast reader, but even at my speed all those errors practically jump off the page, yelling, "Hey, look at me!  I'm a doozy of a mistake!  Did you see this one???"  They are like road blocks that bring things to a grinding halt while we try to figure out what you were TRYING to say!

As to the content, writing ability, plots, characters, plausibility, structure, and so on....well, all I can say to most of you is...."Did you ever consider that all those publishers who declined to publish  your book, just might have turned it down for a very good reason???

I'm sorry, but just because you can type up a 10,000 word manuscript that your mother and your BFF like, doesn't mean you are actually a "writer".

Disgruntled,
Mel

************

Dear Amazon,

May I draw your attention to the above letter, please?  Does anyone have any control over books that show up in your inventory of e-books??  And if not, why not??  Most of these self-published works are so badly written that they are painful to read, much less finish. 

I think you owe it to your customers to provide information on the ebooks you sell.  It would be very helpful to see annotations such as  Unedited, Self-published, Short Novella, Christian perspective, or whatever so we know what we are buying. 

Self-published books used to be known as Vanity Press,  Even though there is no paper involved anymore, its pretty much the same thing.
Disappointed,
Mel

***********

Dear M-t-G,

I know that you are going to  audition for next year's Middle School Orchestra this Saturday.  Try not to be too nervous, sweetie.  Just play your violin the way you have done at your recitals.  You can do it!!  All they are really trying to learn is the level you are playing at, so they can put you into the right group.  You will be fine!!  Really!

With love,
Grammy

************

Dear Hammacher-Schlemmer,

My hat is off to you (if I was wearing a hat), you have outdone yourselves.  Your catalog has always contained unusual and strange merchandise that one would never expect to find.  I was very happy with the genuine Irish Shillelagh that I purchased for the Big Guy at Christmas, and the Christmas Popper orchestra was a big hit at our family's Christmas Day gathering.

But this time you have something truly unique, a one-of-a-kind, penultimate gift that could only be desired by an extremely discriminating buyer.  I commend your staff for offering this incredible piece of American History for sale in the open market.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  

......For those of you who don't receive the Hammacher-Schlemmer catalog, the item being offered is unbelievable.  Really!  It is a genuine (though never used) , PT boat from WWII!!  The PT Boat was built in 1945, but was never commissioned to sea.  (I think the war ended before that could happen).

It is in perfect working order, is sea-worthy, and contains all of its original armaments (disabled, of course).  It is being offered for the tidy sum of  1,000,000 American Dollars!  (There was no mention made of any additional charges for Shipping and Handling!)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 

 Anchors Aweigh!
 Mel

************

Dear Kia Dealer,

You remember a couple of weeks ago when I made several appearances at your Service Dept, with a "Check Engine" light that wouldn't stay off?  Well, guess what??  It's back on....again!!!

Consequently,  I'll see you tomorrow!  Get ready!

Repeatedly,
Mel

**************

Dear Blogland,

http://3bedroombungalow.blogspot.com/ ), hook up with her Linky and add your own! It's a great way to blow off steam, and you can read lots of other letters even grumpier than mine!!

Your friend,
Mel