Things I Should Never Do!

Sometimes other bloggers are a great source for good blogging ideas!  I freely admit I stole.....borrowed.....copied this idea from one of my favorite bloggers, Shell at Things I Can't Say  http://thingsicantsay.com/2012/04/8-things-i-should-never-do.html
Thanks Shell!!  I love this.  Shell had 8 things, but I'm a lot older than she, and I've screwed up a lot more often, so I ended up with 10! 

10 Things I Should Never Do!!


1.  Never pass up a chance to go to the bathroom....ever!


2.  Never buy a pair of shoes that are  "just a little tight" in the store, thinking they will stretch....they won't.

3.  Never buy a pair of jeans that actually fits comfortably in the store, forgetting that they will stretch, because they will become positively baggy before I get to the third wearing.

4.  Never send an email written while upset, angry, or sarcastic....it will come back and bite me in the ass!

5.  Never forget that my face gives away exactly what I'm thinking.

6.  Never decide to pass up more than one motel after 7:00 p.m. when on a road trip.....the next acceptable motel will not show up for at least another hour!

7.  Never, but NEVER, get into the car without two sets of keys!

8.  Never arrive late when meeting a group of friends at a restaurant....the only seat left will be at the end of the table next to the person I like the least!

9.  Never go to the grocery store looking like the Wreck of the Hesperus....I will run into the most attractive man I know!

10.  Never wait till the last minute to put together an outfit for an event....nothing in the closet will look good with anything else and I will not have any shoes that work at all!

"Good Time Charlie's Got The Blues"

Men!

What is it with men?  Do they have absolutely no control over their libidos?  Nothing on their minds besides sex?  No awareness of right and wrong when it comes to physical gratifications??  No realization that no roll in the hay (no matter how good) is worth what it will cost them??  No regard for the pain it will create in the people they love??   Examples? (just off the top of my head) Clinton, Kennedy, Gingrich, Cain, Schwarzenegger, Sandusky, Thomas, Woods,   Just this little impromptu  list includes 2 Presidents, a former US Senator, a Governor, a high level industrialist, a nominee to the Supreme Court, a University Coach, and a Sports Icon! Every politician ever born??? . Every Catholic priest ever ordained?   And now, 11 members of the Secret Service and 5 of the military men assigned to assist them????   While they were on a mission to South America?   What the hell is wrong with them??? 

The Secret Service is the arm of U.S. government charged with protecting the President, the Vice President, former Presidents and all of their families.  Men and women trained and committed to that protection, even to the point of "taking a bullet" for their charges.  Men and women with the highest of personal standards of ethics, integrity, and morality.  Caught with their pants down....literally!

I do not mean to imply that all men are like this all the time.  I know there are men of morals, who would never get involved in any such situation.  Still, examples of the male interest in sex superceding their interest in almost anything else abound.  If these reasonably intelligent men in public positions of trust and responsibility can let themselves take chances just for a little ....uhh...(fill in your favorite euphemism!).... how can we believe that any other man would never give in to temptation? 

In this post, however, I am speaking of public figures, polititions, etc.  Every day, it seems, there is yet another revelation and/or accusation of some guy  in public life who couldn't keep his pants zipped!   How often do we read a headline that yet another "Good Time Charlie's Got the Blues"!
And it appears to matter not at all if they are heterosexual or homosexual, young or old, believer or non-believer.  If you think hard enough or research long enough, there will not be many male "types" or professions, which has never been found to harbor a few guys caught in that same sexual net.  Seriously, think about it.  Ministers?  yes  Doctors?  yes   Lawyers?  yes  Policemen? yes  Athletes?  Oh yeah  Teachers?  Uh huh  Scientists?  yes  Movie stars?  Don't make me laugh!!   How many divorces came about because of infidelity??   If there has been any instance of sexual misconduct, it will be found, documented, and if the perpetrator is famous it WILL be publicized to all the world!  And yet it seems that it happens a lot!  Why?

Now we all know that men and women view sex differently.  But either women don't misbehave as often or they are a hell of a lot better at covering their tracks!  Because you rarely hear about a well-known woman's indiscretions unless it is in relation to some influential man's "urges".

Yet men seem willing to put everything at risk for some sexual adventure.  Really, everything!!  Their careers, their spouses, their children, their families, their standing in the community, their ambitions, their integrity....all unimportant!  Why?  Because Joe (or John, or Jim) is getting some!   whoo hoo.

Not to be too graphic, but the "feeling" that men get, must be a WHOLE LOT better than what women get, because I doubt very many women would even be tempted by such a trade off. 

Aren't we further along the evolutionary trail than this?  Shouldn't men (no matter how strong their "urges") be able to understand that this behavior can, and someday WILL, bring them results that no reasonably sane person could ever want?  Are they really so stupid?   And if the answer is yes, then the jerks deserve every single loss they suffer. 


And if the male gender of the species really is unable to control these urges, for God's sake let's either medicate them or stop making a big fuss and just accept the nature of the beast!! 


Currently however, that is not the prevailing opinion.  It is still treated at best, as a lapse, and at worst, as a sin!   Either way, the public figure is raked over the coals for his own actions and does, in fact, harm his own reputation and, potentially, his own value to society.


Personally, I don't think what goes on in anyone's bedroom is anybody's business but their own.  Nevertheless, if a person chooses activities that will expose himself (both literally and figuratively) to public scrutiny that could cost himself everything he holds dear, you think he'd figure out that he really ought to think long and hard before he lets that particular horse out of the barn! 

"Things I Couldn't Say" ( aka Dear So and So)\

So today is Friday, and you know what that means!!  It's time to post a new batch of "Things I Couldn't Say" or Dear So and So.....because there are a few things I'd really like to have corrected please.  For instance....


Dear Writers Who Self Publish,

I have previously expressed my dissatisfaction with several things that go along with a Kindle e-reader, so you know that I am not and unqualified fan.  I like reading on the Kindle, its easy.  I like carrying the Kindle instead of big ol' heavy hardcover books, its easy.  I like being able to download several books to have choices at my beck and call, its easy (except for the navigating part....but that's a different rant altogether).  Because I am basically unwilling to pay more than $5-10 for a book on the Kindle (it must be a generational thing....even though I have access to the book, I do not feel that I have something actually in my possession), I find myself looking for things for $2 and under, which leads me to the free books and the $.99 books....and those frequently turn out to be works that have been self-published by their authors.

I can certainly understand the lure of making your book, or novella, or whatever available to the masses without having to deal with a publishing company.  Going directly to the consumer must seem so easy in comparison.

Unfortunately, however, the problem with not going through a publishing company is that although  you don't have to deal with the hassle, you don't get any of the services either....like EDITORS, or PROOF READERS, or HONEST CRITIQUES of your work.

Independently published e-books are almost always filled with spelling mistakes, grammatical errors, incorrect or missing citations of factual information, poor punctuation, uninteresting sentence structure, etc.  Some, of course, are worse than others, but really, would it be that much of  a problem to work with an freelance editor or hire a proof reader so that your book is not an insult to the intelligence of your readers?    I am speaking here of the nuts and bolts of the actual writing.  I am a fast reader, but even at my speed all those errors practically jump off the page, yelling, "Hey, look at me!  I'm a doozy of a mistake!  Did you see this one???"  They are like road blocks that bring things to a grinding halt while we try to figure out what you were TRYING to say!

As to the content, writing ability, plots, characters, plausibility, structure, and so on....well, all I can say to most of you is...."Did you ever consider that all those publishers who declined to publish  your book, just might have turned it down for a very good reason???

I'm sorry, but just because you can type up a 10,000 word manuscript that your mother and your BFF like, doesn't mean you are actually a "writer".

Disgruntled,
Mel

************

Dear Amazon,

May I draw your attention to the above letter, please?  Does anyone have any control over books that show up in your inventory of e-books??  And if not, why not??  Most of these self-published works are so badly written that they are painful to read, much less finish. 

I think you owe it to your customers to provide information on the ebooks you sell.  It would be very helpful to see annotations such as  Unedited, Self-published, Short Novella, Christian perspective, or whatever so we know what we are buying. 

Self-published books used to be known as Vanity Press,  Even though there is no paper involved anymore, its pretty much the same thing.
Disappointed,
Mel

***********

Dear M-t-G,

I know that you are going to  audition for next year's Middle School Orchestra this Saturday.  Try not to be too nervous, sweetie.  Just play your violin the way you have done at your recitals.  You can do it!!  All they are really trying to learn is the level you are playing at, so they can put you into the right group.  You will be fine!!  Really!

With love,
Grammy

************

Dear Hammacher-Schlemmer,

My hat is off to you (if I was wearing a hat), you have outdone yourselves.  Your catalog has always contained unusual and strange merchandise that one would never expect to find.  I was very happy with the genuine Irish Shillelagh that I purchased for the Big Guy at Christmas, and the Christmas Popper orchestra was a big hit at our family's Christmas Day gathering.

But this time you have something truly unique, a one-of-a-kind, penultimate gift that could only be desired by an extremely discriminating buyer.  I commend your staff for offering this incredible piece of American History for sale in the open market.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  

......For those of you who don't receive the Hammacher-Schlemmer catalog, the item being offered is unbelievable.  Really!  It is a genuine (though never used) , PT boat from WWII!!  The PT Boat was built in 1945, but was never commissioned to sea.  (I think the war ended before that could happen).

It is in perfect working order, is sea-worthy, and contains all of its original armaments (disabled, of course).  It is being offered for the tidy sum of  1,000,000 American Dollars!  (There was no mention made of any additional charges for Shipping and Handling!)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 

 Anchors Aweigh!
 Mel

************

Dear Kia Dealer,

You remember a couple of weeks ago when I made several appearances at your Service Dept, with a "Check Engine" light that wouldn't stay off?  Well, guess what??  It's back on....again!!!

Consequently,  I'll see you tomorrow!  Get ready!

Repeatedly,
Mel

**************

Dear Blogland,

http://3bedroombungalow.blogspot.com/ ), hook up with her Linky and add your own! It's a great way to blow off steam, and you can read lots of other letters even grumpier than mine!!

Your friend,
Mel

"Words Don't Fit the Picture"

I want to tell you two short stories today.  They really have nothing to do with each other, except that the first story reminded me of the second.  The second story is a from my own life, but the first is "borrowed" from another blogger.  You should get at least a little chuckle from each.  Both stories illustrate how we can trip ourselves up when the "Words Don't Fit the Picture!"
One of the blogs I regularly read is called "Mom to 8" and its a lively little blog that looks into the controlled chaos that can come from a family with eight children!  I love their approach to parenting and the insight she provides to those of us who have never been a part of a large family.  Go and visit her at http://raisingahappyfamily-momof8.blogspot.com/.  She knows how to "paint a picture!"
Today "Mom to 8" wrote about a conversation she had with her husband.  I have quoted parts of it below.  I think its a hoot and I can easily see how the conversation would have come about....

I had to call my husband and .... reminded him the blind guy is coming so I can't pick the kids up. He says, "I know you probably told me this already, but who is the blind guy?" "The guy that is going to measure our windows." "How is he going to measure them if he is blind?" "No, he is not blind. He is measuring for our new blinds. He works for budget blinds."
                                                                       - AMP, "Mom to 8" 

Ba-da-bing ba-da-boom!!  :)  It's a perfectly natural mistake, I thought the same thing at first!  That's what makes it so funny!  (Thanks for allowing me to use it, AMP!) 

Now, on to Story II....

Some years ago, when we were still living in the Chicago area, we were friends with a couple (Bob and Jeanette) who owned a business selling window blinds, shades, shutters and the like.  We all happened to be attending an event one evening and the four of us were seated at the same table.  At some point in the conversation, Jeannette told us of an actual experience they had at their business.

The name of their business was the "Suburban Shade and Shutter Shoppe" and was incorporated into a logo that used an oversized letter "S" at the beginning, followed closely by the rest of each word.  I have made an example below, just to give you the idea of how it was done.  Believe me, their logo was MUCH more attractive than this!!

S	uburban hade &  hutter hop

Soooo, you get the idea???

Anyhow, on the night we shared a table with Bob and Jeanette, she told us that they had recently received a check from a customer for their purchase.   The check was made out to the......



(....scroll down....)





(....wait for it......)




Suburban Hade and Hutter Hop!!!

Ohh how we laughed and laughed!  I loved it!  Don't you?  For days afterward, out of nowhere, the phrase, Suburban Hade and Hutter Hop, would pop into my head and I'd laugh all over again.  (In fact, it still makes me giggle!)  Of course, after an explanation to the customer, the check was re-done, but Bob and Jeanette kept the first check, framed it, and the last I heard it was still hanging on the wall in their shop!

Isn't it odd (and kind of hysterical) what our minds see or hear when the "Words Don't Fit the Picture??" 

A Capella

Okay. I know I've been very remiss in writing but you all know the reasons why.  I can sum it up in two words....show business!  Only two more weeks and it will be done (at which point I will become depressed for a while...just a little warning.  lol!)

Even though there are words actually appearing in my blog space with today's date, this isn't really a blog post.  This is more of a "I can't believe it" post.  Have you ever had one of those moments?? 

My sister is arriving on Wednesday, so I am "sprucing up the house and sweeping out the bed" ("Steel Magnolias").  One of the chores I had to do was to finish up some laundry that I have been putting off.  There really wasn't much but it was all blouses and shirts....with buttons.  I hate hanging up shirts and blouses 'cuz you have to button at least some of the buttons ( I swear buttons shrink over time and so do the holes they are supposed to fit through!!), and get the collar to lay just right.  It's just a pain.  I'm not really a detail person for this kind of thing.

I debated if I should split the load, but there really wasn't that much.  It all needed to get done so I chucked it all in the washer, added soap, hit the cold water cycle, and went on my merry way.  A pattern I have repeated a gazillion times over the course of the 50+ years I have been doing laundry.

When the cycle finished, I started to put the stuff in the dryer.  But then I noticed a pink shirt.  I don't own a pink shirt.  Uh-oh!  I pulled out a few more things and found another pink shirt and a pink-ish blouse.  About this time I started to get a headache.  Down at the bottom of the washer was one of my favorite blouses....a salmon colored 100% silk shirt that I just love.  A 100% silk shirt that has been dry cleaned in the past.  Oh crap!  I didn't even realize it was in that bundle.

Did I mention that I mixed together whites and colors?  I have done that before and it was okay.  But I never washed the salmon-color shirt before.   So I now had three pink shirts and I don't even like pink very much!

The pink sisters are currently going through another cycle; this time with bleach.  Hopefully this will return them to their pristine white!  (Well, I've got my fingers crossed!)

I'm afraid the salmon colored, 100% silk, wonderful shirt that I loved may not recover.

The only bona fide good news is that none of Mikey's shirts were in the load!   Whew!  He REALLY wouldn't like to have pink shirts.

I can't believe it!  How could I not have caught the salmon shirt?  I mean it's practically orange!!Arrrggg!

"Baby, It's Cold Outside"

For the last week or so, we have been having winter in Austin.  " Baby, It's Cold Outside"!  The low temps overnight have been in the high 20s, with daytime highs right around 50F.   Not my favorite weather, but bearable.  This, however, is not one of my usual (and futile) complaints about cold weather!  As I said, the highs around 50F with the sun shining, really doesn't feel too bad.  My entire exposure to the outside air is limited to the time it takes me to walk from my car to the entrance of the store, restaurant, house, or whatever I am visiting.  Hardly long enough to even get a real chill. 

Some plants, on the other hand, do not stand a chance!  This, of course, is not their fault.  It is just that there are some people who insist on planting things that are not meant to grow in this climate!  Not only do they plant the wrong things, they do nothing to protect them when the temps fall below their tolerance level.   Some folks just don't get the idea that in a battle between Man and Nature, Nature will ALWAYS win.  ALWAYS!

For instance, there is a house not far from here that I pass everyday on my way in and out of the neighborhood.  Several years ago, they put in a pool in their backyard.  The house was subsequently on the market and I went to an open house,  The backyard pool area was a lovely tropical paradise.  In the middle of summer it looked terrific, like a resort in the Caribbean, filled with lush plants and gorgeous blooms.  And in the corner of the yard were planted several Banana plants.  Banana plants have lovely, long leaves that can look like fronds due to how easily the leaves can be torn by wind.  

I know from the years I lived in Florida, that in the right place,  these trees can practically grow wild.  They are a lot like bamboo too, in that they spread over time.  They can grow to as much as 30 ft. tall, but are usually smaller than that.

 And as long as they are in the right climate they will grow for years.  But that is the trick.  The right climate....and Austin is not the right climate in the winter time!  Every time the temperature drops below freezing, the banana plants freeze!  The whole plant turns brown and the leaves just hang there dejectedly and look pathetic. 

The house close to us has had their bananas freeze about every other year!  Well, of course, they do.  Austin is not tropical, despite the 100F temps in the summer.  In the winter we can get frost, and snow, and ice and that most definitely is NOT tropical.

The first few times those bananas froze, I thought the owners must have replaced them because by Spring the bananas were lush and green.  But they have gone through this cycle several times now.  Either those plants can recover from the effects of a freeze (who knows?), or those people are spending beau coup bucks replacing a plant that doesn't belong here in the first place! 

It must be incredibly annoying to the plants, cuz believe me, "Baby It's Cold Outside!!"

"Writing Wrongs"

Following up from my last post....I hadn't originally intended to use something today from another's blog, but that was before I went to visit one of my favorite bloggers, Cass at That Old House.  If you love old houses and all things related to making a house into your own, you must go and visit Cass and her beautiful house!  She is quite funny to boot!

A few weeks ago one of Cass's daughters got married and Cass has been sharing all sorts of wonderful things related to the wedding.  Today she posted some photos from her daughter's honeymoon trip to China!  

This particular set of photos had to do with various English signs they saw in China.  Some were very funny (like the instructions you receive along with your latest electronic toy) and were definitely written by someone who's first language was definitely NOT English.  They were definitely "Writing Wrongs!!"

The last photo in the series may or may not have been of the same ilk. Take a look!

(This one is for you Little Sis! If anyone will think it's funny, I bet it will be you!!)

http://cass-thatoldhouse.blogspot.com/

SPOONY!  OMG, it made me laugh right out loud!  Spoony!!  Charles Schultz must be laughing too!  Either that or spinning!

Cass pointed out that this may have been done on purpose to avoid copyright issues.  I hope not!  I'd love for it to be just a random funny mistake, wouldn't you? 

But more than anything, the thing that would really set it off would be if it were a Spoonerism  (the reversal of syllables in a sentence or phrase.... like Hoobert Heever, or one swell foop!.....but I'm not really sure it is. (Anyone know??)  Usually a Spoonerism is mixing syllables from two or more words, and this is obviously only one word.  Nevertheless I choose to think of it as a Spoonerism because that just makes it absolutely perfect!! 

Thanks, Cass, for letting me borrow from you!  This is the best laugh I've had all week!

"It Ain't Necessarily So"

Memory is a funny thing.  I have memories of times and events in my life that go all the way back to right around my fourth birthday.  At age 4 I had my first encounter with a dog....a BIG dog, a VERY big dog.  I wasn't hurt (all the poor dog did was lick my face), but it took me years to get over it.  I remember it as clear as a bell.

There are other memories that I thought I would never forget.  Friends, dreams, information, frights, boys, dates, shows, family, arguments, hurts, joys, even certain clothes that I owned....all manner of things that were so important at the time, but now are mere shadows lurking in my mind somewhere.  No longer fully formed or complete, it is often actually the memory of a memory that stays with me.  (Does that make any sense at all?)  It is sort of like a collection of thoughts that prove to me that I actually had a life that had good days and bad days.

Some of those memories have photographic "proof" that can help keep a memory close to reality, but most don't.  I can remember songs I learned in grade school and the Children's Choir at church when I was only 8 years old.  There are other songs that I learned much more recently for various shows and performances that I am unable to recall at all, not the melody, not the words, nothing.  Some I don't even remember singing.  That astounds me.

What makes one memory remain vivid while another completely disappears without a trace?  I don't think it is a conscious process in either case.  My psyche (or whatever) chooses what to keep and what to discard without any input from me.

Still there are some memories that I was convinced were rock solid truth as told to me by my parents, the ultimate guardians of reality for a child growing up.  For instance, my mother was the middle child of her family.  Even though there had been 11 children, the order of their birth was a simple matter of fact:  Tom, Germaine, Helen, Pinkie, Mary, Mom, Annie, Mutz, Norb, Gerard, and Joe.  Easy peasy, right?  Until recently that is.  When Norb died I wrote something about him being Mom's favorite brother and I mentioned his birth order between Mutz and Jerry. 

"Au contraire, Sister-mine!", piped up Little Sis.  "Huh?" I responded intelligently.  "You are wrong, Big Sis.  The order was Mom, Norb, Annie, Mutz, Jerry, and Joe."   "No, I can't be wrong, I remember Mom talking about it!"  "Well, you remember it wrong!", said Little Sis.

Hmmmpf.  Turns out she was right, I did remember it wrong.  Now I had believed that for a LONG time, but I was wrong.  Wow!  If I can't trust my own memories, what can I trust???
My Little Sis also disagreed with me on a memory relating to my Dad's Dad.  I remember being told that my Grandfather and his brother came to this country from Denmark together as young men, just the two of them to make their way in America.

"Au Contraire, Sister-Mine."  Little Sis was at it again!  According to her it was our grandfather and HIS uncle (or something like that.)  Now wait just a minute here.  I am a lot older than Little Sis and I'm sure that the story had been repeated to me several times before she was even born!!  How could the memory be wrong?  Although Mom told me the story, I am certain she would have told me the right story!  And I am 99% sure she told me it was my Grandfather and his BROTHER (which made him my Dad's uncle, not my Grandfather's Uncle!)

Of course, now there is no one to ask.  My grandfather, his brother (or uncle), my dad, my mom, all the rest of dad's relatives are gone.  We have no written history of my Dad's family at all.  Either I'm right or Little Sis is right....but I guess we'll never know for sure. 

There are other lesser memories that have been proven to be unreliable.  That is so disconcerting.  I have never had problems with memory.  It saved my butt a million times in school and at work.  Plus over the years, I have memorized pages and pages of dialogue for a multitude of characters for the theater.  But it appears that when it comes to memories of my own life and family, just because I remember something, doesn't mean anything for sure.  I guess I just have to accept the possibility that "It Ain't Necessarily So!"  Cripes!

"I Should Have Stayed in Bed"

Almost anyone who knows me as an adult, would tell you that I am a very "put together" kind of dresser.  When I was still working, I pretty much always looked at least good or better, because I wouldn't wear something unless it all worked together.  Colors/styles/prints, whatever, it all had to look right or I wouldn't wear it.  Rarely did I actually wear an outfit that didn't make the cut.  People told me what pretty clothes I had and how nice I looked all the time.  Unsolicited, too!!  :)  So, what in the name of all that is fashionable, happened to me this week???

[You can blame Blogger (darn them) that I cannot post the photos that prove what I am about to tell you.  Trust me, tho, it happened.]

Monday is the day I take M-t-G to her violin lesson.  I had done a couple of errands before I picked her up at her school, took her to the lesson, had dinner together in a restaurant, and took her home where I talked with Ratchlet for a few minutes before I went home.  I had not gone home in between, so I still had on the clothes I wore when I left the house.  I was gone for a total of nearly 6 hours. 

When I arrived home, I checked email, looked at a few blogs, etc. But just generally sat around for a couple of hours.  I decided to changed out of my shoes and into slippers because my tootsies were chilly. 

I went to the closet, stepped out of one brown shoe and slipped into the slipper.  Then I noticed that in addition to the brown right shoe that I had just removed, the brown left shoe was already there.  What?  I still had on a left shoe, didn't I??  I looked down and sure enough on my left foot was a shoe....a BLACK shoe, not BROWN, BLACK.  I had been all around town wearing two different shoes!!!!  They weren't even the same shoe!  One smooth leather, one kind bumpy....one cut high on the foot, the other lower....one was a heel, the other more of a wedge!  The only way they were alike was that they were both slip-ons  and were the same heel height!


Either nobody noticed (I hope) or everybody noticed and they were hysterically laughing behind me.  I never noticed!  Completely and totally unlike me!  AACCCKKK!

Then today when I got home after my errands, I visited the loo (its always the first thing I do!  Prioritizing at its most basic!)   Looking down I saw as I was pulling up my brown pants which I wore with brown shoes and a pair of....BLUE socks!!  Oh my God; again?  What is the matter with me?  Can color blindness develop in later life???   That's it, tomorrow I start a fashion checklist before leaving the house! 

All in all, "I Should Have Stayed in Bed" all week!

"The Counting Song" Reprise

I'm in the mood for a list!  I don't claim to be 100% correct grammatically all the time, but when I see or (even worse) hear these gems, I get that "fingernails on a blackboard" kind of feeling, and I just want to scream  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!  Do any of these bother you?

**  I "graduate high school" in May.  Well, no!  You WILL graduate FROM high school in May (but you sure won't be the Valedictorian!!) 

**  Dinner sure was "tasty."  Is that something like "but she's got a good personality??" To me this phrase seems more like "damning the meal with faint praise".

**  Speaking of food, many restaurants seem to be training their wait staff and managers to ask customers some variation of, "Is everything Perfect for you?"  Well, no!  That would NEVER get a positive response from me.  If you're asking me a question, don't provide me with the answer you want to hear!   Nothing is ever "Perfect"!  In fact, I am then compelled to tell them all the ways my meal isn't perfect!!

**  "It turned out wonderful."   Well, no!  It might have turned out wonderfully, or horribly, or even outstandingly!  There appears to be a conspiracy against adverbs!!  Can't people just hear that it's wrong??  As soon as one of these gems is said or written or read, I start to twitch!!  It only needs two letters more.  "LY"  That's it, just add the "ly! "  Arrrgghhh! 

**  "The day was so fun."   Nooooooo!!!!  The day was so MUCH fun....or the day was SUCH fun....or the day was a LOT OF fun.  But "so fun" is a big no-no....at least it is in MY grammar notebook!

**  "New experiences don't "phase" him."    No.  The word is "faze".   Some moms are not "fazed" by their children's different "phases."

**  "The work was quite hard, but she came through "like a trooper."  No, no, a thousand times NO!  Unless you mean like a storm trooper, the word is "trouper".  As in,  a troupe of actors; as in the show must go on....it was originally a term about actors continuing with the show despite all kinds of problems and thus, saving the day!

**  And then there are "could of, would of, and should of".  Does anyone even listen to what they say anymore??  It's easy to hear, really.  HAVE not OF!  Really folks, it's not all that hard!

Okay, I'm done!  I feel so much better now!!  :)

"Trip, Stumble, Fall"

Have you ever been out for a leisurely walk, not really watching where you were going, when all of a sudden you trip on a crack in the sidewalk?  It can be very disruptive, interrupting your thoughts and even making you a little self-conscious.  But you keep walking and soon you forget about it.  Then, when you've gotten back into your "groove", a bigger crack causes you to stumble!  Arrgghh!  Now, you're getting upset.  Why can't somebody fix this?  The city, or the owner, or whoever is in charge....somebody ought to take the time to repair this!  Hmppff!  You become a little more aware of where you are stepping, looking ahead to prepare for the next obstacle....a hole, a rock, an incline....something that might actually cause you to fall!  And there it is, you can see it just ahead.  That's it!  That's enough!  You turn around and go home.

Well, your nice peaceful, leisurely walk has been ruined.  Just walking was no longer possible.  You had to concentrate on your steps not your journey.  The pleasure was gone when you had to worry if you would "Trip, Stumble, Fall".

Lately I have been reading a lot of random blogs, just perusing, thinking about all the different things people care about, enjoying the colors, the photos, the humor, the creativity, the stories, and the insights.  I sign up for the ones I really enjoy and look forward to their next posting.  It's fun and I love doing it.

Of course, I don't love absolutely every blog I come across.  Some just don't appeal to me at all and that's OK.  You don't have to like everything in life.  However, every so often, I'll come across one that's really interesting, or funny, or touching, or something and I will spend a goodly amount of time wandering back through their posts and getting to know the author.  I enjoy the journey some folks take me on.

Until, suddenly, unexpectedly, I trip!

"Oops, what happened?" 

"Their not my problem."*

 I look back over the last sentence I read (above) and realize it is the wrong tense, or the wrong word, or its misspelled, or something.  Well, we all make mistakes occasionally, right?  I keep reading.  Just when I'm getting back into the "groove", I stumble!  "Whoa!  What was that?" 

"We ate at a new restrant last night.  It was a pretty nice restrant."

A spelling misstep, worse this time, jumps out at me, and for good measure, it is repeated in the next sentence!!  "Hmmm, that's annoying.  Don't all writers check their work before they publish it?"  Well, evidently not!

Okay, I'm still enjoying the content mostly, so I go back and keep reading, but I'm wary, sort of scanning ahead, waiting to find the next obstacle.  "Aha!  And there it is!" 

"I've went to this pityful camp three times now."

That stops me cold.  Nooo, it doesn't really say that, right?  Wrong!  I've read it three times now.  That's what it says!  I'm hoping it isn't ignorance, that its just laziness.  In general, the blog (which shall remain nameless!) is interesting, kind of cute, and doesn't seem like the writer is a bit dim-witted.  But, Oh Howdy, I just can't take any more.  I have tripped.  I have stumbled.  And I have fallen.  I am gone!

This one was the worst I've ever seen, but there have been others.  Many writers don't seem to even try to proofread their work.  When I'm writing, I do thoughtless things too, but I try to catch them and correct them before I publish.  I'm not always 100% successful, but I try.

If a writer can't take the time and make the effort to fix their mistakes, I can't take the time or make the effort to read what they write!  It's as simple as that.

"Trip, Stumble, Fall"??  No thanks.  Not interested.  Bye!


*I swear I did NOT make these up!  They are real mistakes from a real blog (which shall remain nameless, for obvious reasons!!)