"Sweet Lorraine" (Reprise)

November 11 will always be a day of remembering, honoring, and sadness for me.  Of course, everyone knows it is Veteran's Day...a well-deserved day to recognize and honor those who have served in the military for this country.

But on a more personal level, it is more about loss to our family.  Nine years ago today my mother died. She was 83.  

I wrote this two years ago and want to reprint it today as my tribute to my mother, Lorraine Charlotte J., better known to us as Mom!  

From November 11, 2010:


I don't often post twice in one day, but November 11, is a day that is important to me.  Veterans' Day is to honor millions of Service Men and Women, some of which were heroes.

The other reason to post today is to honor one sole woman who was very definitely a hero, she was my hero!  She was my mother, and she died seven years ago today.  I miss her all the time and I can't believe it's been seven years. 

She was a hero to me and my family because, quite simply, she did whatever she needed to do to keep us fed, clothed, safe, housed, educated, and above all, loved.  

Dad always worked and brought home a paycheck, but Mom did EVERYTHING else.  Dad never wanted to own a house, by renting, the landlord was always responsible for fixing big stuff, so we rented my whole life....houses when I was a child, and then apartments.  If anything little broke down Mom would fix it.  She wasn't always successful but she tried.  When I married Mr. Fix-it (aka the Big Guy), he was always available to help with things like drippy faucets so that was one less thing mom had to do.  Both she and Dad treated the Big Guy like a son and he loved them in return.

She didn't work outside the house until I was 17 years old when she was forced to by circumstances.  Before that, Mom was a....mom!  She cooked dinner just about every night, she washed clothes, she did the shopping, she drove us around town for whatever, she ironed (until I was old enough not to burn up the family wardrobe),  she dusted (until I was old enough to do the job to her satisfaction), she vacuumed, she baked, she made crafty things, she rearranged the furniture, she wrote letters, she looked after Dad and me and then she looked after my sister as well.  She disciplined  us, she praised us, she waited up until we were home once we were old enough to date, she taught us stuff, she turned holidays into lovely events filled with traditions.  From her we learned morals, and ethics, and honesty, and how to be a great mom.

When Dad died she persevered in looking after my sister and the apartment, alone, even after Little Sis moved out.  She turned into a wonderful grandmother who loved her grandkids almost as much as we did.

Due to ill health, her last years were difficult and disappointing and she didn't cope with it too well.  She had always hated being dependent on anyone for anything.  When she had no choice, she hated it even more.  The quality of her life, was not good and that depressed her and made me very sad. 

Ending up like that was  not much of a reward for a mom who did everything for her family her whole life.  She deserved better.  That, of course, can't be changed, but she made my life full of love and opportunities and laughter, and music and she was ALWAYS be a hero to me.  My mother, "Sweet Lorraine".

I miss her and always will.  I love you Mama!

"Get Me to the Church On Time"

My mother used to say that it took me 24 hours to get born, and I've been late ever since!  It  appears I do not have the same understanding of time as everyone else.  The sad truth is that I am late more often than not....all my life!  We were late to my best friend's wedding.  We were late to my daughter's wedding (but they couldn't start without us....we had the bride!!)  I was late for work about 75% of the time for my entire career!!!  It drives a lot of friends, bosses, and family absolutely crazy!

But I am NOT always late.  In fact, on the one day when one might be expected to be delayed by over-the-top primping and such, I was on time.  In fact, we were even a little bit early (not a lot, you understand, but a little.) 

Just like Alfie Doolittle ("My Fair Lady"), "Get Me to the Church on Time" was my mantra that day!  What day??  Well, my wedding day, of course!

Forty-six years ago today.  46!  Years.  Ago.   Holy shoes and rice, Batman!!  46 years!

It was a very bright and sunny day in Chicago on April 2, 1966 but it was really cold!  It looked like Spring but it still felt like Winter.  We had to drive from the north side down to the south side, because we were being married in Mikey's home parish (I can't remember why exactly), so we had at least a 45 minute drive to get to the church. 

I don't remember whose car we were in.  I don't remember who drove.  I don't remember who was in the car.  I have a vague recollection of sitting alone in the back seat, but I don't think I was really.....maybe it just felt like I was alone.  Its a big thing to get married (duh!), but when you are only 19, its monumental. 

What was ahead?  Was this really a good idea?  Would it work out?  Would we be happy?  Would it last??   Did I really want to be a wife??  Maybe I should just jump out of the car and run away!  Very far away!!  These kinds of thoughts jumbled around inside my head throughout that long drive.  I suppose that is not much different from any other bride (or groom for that matter.) 

There I was, little 19 year old me, only weighing about 100 lbs. soaking wet, wearing a borrowed dress, a borrowed veil, wrapped up in a borrowed mink stole (it wasn't as politically incorrect, all those years ago).  It felt a little bit like playing dress up. 

But it wasn't make believe, it was very real.  And it turned out to be the right thing to do, because here we are 46 years later and we are still together.  It was was a good idea.  And it sure has lasted!  We have had a life filled with much happiness, a lot of laughter, a reasonable number of tears, love, caring, a fair amount of worry and sadness, lots of joy, some disappointments.....highs and lows....day after day....for 46 years. 


I think they call that a marriage!


Happy Anniversary, Big Guy!

"A Cappella"



This won't be a long post today.  (I know, I know.....you'll believe it when you see it!)  Really, though, I don't have a bunch of time.  Thanksgiving is only 2 days away and my to-do list has hardly been touched!  The Big Guy has been really busy doing "big stuff", but there wasn't much point in trying to get started on the cleaning until the big stuff got put away.....well, out of the way.  Anyway, 80% of my to-dos remain,  sigh!

But I digress.

This is one of the "I'll always remember" days.  November 22, 1963.  Even if you weren't born at that time, I would bet most of you would recognize that date.  The Kennedy Assassination.  I was 17, a senior in h.s., just back from lunch.  It was a perfectly ordinary day.  Thanksgiving was coming, so we were all looking forward to a couple of days off from school. 

At somewhere around 1:00 pm my world changed.  Everyone's world changed. As surely as if the earth's rotation suddenly went spinning off into space, nothing was the same.  Kennedy was a hero to the young people of that time.  He was the only President we had ever seen who didn't have grey hair!  He was young, he was good looking, he was a war hero, he was married to Jackie and had 2 adorable little kids.  He was the future.  And we believed in him.

But on that day, with the actions of Lee Harvey Oswald, our young President was gone forever and it was the end of our Camelot days.  (I will go with the conventional theory here ...the entire, whole truth of such an event, can never be known.)

It was 48 years ago today.  I remember this day, this man, this loss.  And I always wonder what our lives would be had Oswald missed! 

May you continue to rest in peace, Mr. President. 


"....ask what you can do for your country...."

"Wedding Day"

My parents were married on September 15, 1945 in Minneapolis, Minn.  They remained married till death (my dad's) in 1978.  So they were together for 33 years. If they were both still living, today would have been the 66th Anniversary of their "Wedding Day."  But neither of them lived that long.

Because Mom's birthday was September 9, when I was a kid I could never remember for sure which was which.  I knew the events were only a week apart, but I was always afraid I'd get it wrong.  The fact that I didn't get it wrong was never due my prodigious memory.  Nope, every year sometime in August, I'd cleverly ask my Dad "When's Mom's birthday again?"  I never had to question the anniversary date once I was sure of Mom's birthday!

My parents were introduced to each other by one of Mom's cousins, Toots.  (We have the oddest names in my mom's family!!)  I think Toots had dated my dad first, but I guess the sparks didn't fly.  They double-dated for Mom and Dad's first date, if I remember correctly.  I don't know the date of their meeting but I would surmise that it was sometime in 1939 or 1940.  They only actually dated once or twice before my dad was shipped overseas to the South Pacific.  Due to one of those Catch-22 Army situations, Dad was in the South Pacific for nearly five years.  (You would be discharged when you accrued enough "points".  Points were earned through amount of time spent overseas (or something like that).  Trouble was, they kept raising the number of points required for discharge.  Anyway, the upshot of it was that Dad was out of the country until after V-J Day in 1945.

During those five years my Mom and Dad corresponded with letters through the mail.  It wasn't like the V-Mail system that was used for the war in Europe (where they were limited to one page that could be put on film and then re-printed upon arrival.)  These were regular letters.  Mom still had a couple and there were words, phrases, and whole paragraphs cut out by the censors!

Despite the censors and the difficulty of mail deliveries to the ever-changing  location of the troops, enough of the letters must have gotten through, because that's how they got to know each other.  Somewhere during those five years, Dad proposed and Mom accepted, but they had to wait
until the War was over.  It was a long time to wait, but they kept on writing and sure enough, as soon as his discharge came through, Dad came back to Chicago (all in one piece and uninjured.)

It was just a couple of weeks after that they eloped to Minneapolis, on the train.  I don't really think it was an elopement in the strictest sense of the word.  There was no secrecy.  At a time when a big wedding seemed like a lot to go through and money was kind of tight, they decided they would have a small wedding trip instead.  At least that's how I remember the story.  Anyway, off to Minneapolis/St. Paul they went and they were married on September 15 by a Justice of the Peace. 

As I recall there is one black and white photo  from the "Wedding Day".  Mom was wearing a dark suit with a light colored blouse and she wore a dark hat that had a bunch of flowers perched on the brim.  Now I haven't seen this photo for probably 25 years or more (Little Sis has all the family photos), but I'm pretty sure Dad wore a medium colored pin-striped suit with a white shirt and patterned, wide  tie.  He had glasses and a thin mustache!  He kept that mustache for a couple of years, but when it disappeared, it never returned!  I was always glad he didn't keep it, I don't think it suited him at all!

Anyway, I don't know how long they stayed in Minneapolis/St. Paul.  I think it was only a day or two and they they came back to Chicago. 

I was born 9 months and 15 minutes later!  LOL!    No really!  June 25, 1946 is my birth date and Mom always said I was a little LATE!  So you do the math!!    (teehee)

Like any marriage, they had their ups and downs.  They didn't really know each other very well when they married.  After all, they had only a couple of dates and five years' worth of censored letters.  Not much to build on.   But they made a life and home together for both my sister and I.  They were separated for a little over a year when I was 17, but they got back together.

Dad's health had started to deteriorate when he was around 50 or so.  He had several strokes and a couple of heart attacks.  Partly due to the worry about his health, the Big Guy and I decided to throw them a surprise anniversary party for their 30th Anniversary.

We invited all the old friends they had known years and years ago including my Godfather (who was Dad's best friend forever) and my Mom's cousin, the aforementioned, Toots (not like "hoots", more like "puts".)  Several of my aunts and uncles were there too, as well as 17 year old Little Sis and 9 year old Ratchlet.  Altogether we had about 30 people.  It was a little tight, but no one cared!

It was a huge success! My folks were genuinely surprised, you might even say flabbergasted!   Mom and especially Dad were thrilled and happy to see all their old friends.  There were tears and happy smiles, hugs, lots of laughter, and lots of catching up.  It was a wonderful night!  You can tell from this photo that it was a happy night! It was probably the best thing I ever did for my Mom and Dad.

Daddy and his girls!

Three years later Dad was gone.  Mom lived on for another 28 years or so.  But that night was the best celebration they ever had and the memory of that night, and their marriage has stayed with me ever since.  Every September 15 I am reminded of my parents and how much I loved them and miss them so!

I was thinking of you, Mom and Dad, on this your "Wedding Day."

"Something Old, Something New"

Well, here it is, the actual day and time, the goalpost, We have officially been married (to each other!) for 45 years!  WhooHoo!  There were times I was sure we wouldn't last another 45 MINUTES much less 45 years.  I'm not exactly sure why this particular anniversary feels so significant.  Usually it's 25 or 50 or even (oh my stars) 75 year anniversaries that are felt to be special.   Nevertheless, 45 years for us seems incredibly long.  How can two people manage to live together for 45 years?  What keeps a marriage going? 

Well, the key is finding the right person.  No big surprise there!  Finding that person is not usually all that easy.  There is no flashing arrow that points out your soul mate!  No one hands you his name and address when you hit puberty.  You just have to muddle along and keep your eyes open and be ready to say,
"Aha!  There he is!  Finally!" and grab on tight.

The sad truth is, that sometimes you're right and sometimes you're wrong, but you usually won't figure it out for a long time. 

Somehow I managed to be one of the lucky ones because I found Mikey and I still have him!  Let me tell you just how lucky I am.


When Mikey and I chose our wedding rings, we didn't have a lot of money, so we didn't get anything too fancy.  They were matching bands with a combination of polished and brushed white gold.  Simple and fairly plain.  We wore those rings for five years.

For our fifth anniversary, we decided to get new rings to mark the occasion because 1) Mikey couldn't get his ring on anymore, 2) I had realized that I liked yellow gold much more than white gold, and 3) we could now afford something more to our current tastes.

We found an unusual set of matching rings that looked a bit like a ring of small gold nuggets.  The were beautiful, unique, and we loved them.

Over the years Mikey had become very adept at finding jewelry that I loved and occasionally found lovely things for my birthday and Christmas, including a cocktail ring with a cluster of diamonds that I just loved.  I wore it on my right hand.

Because of the design of these two rings there were lots of little crevices, and bumps, and soap would get embedded in the spaces when I washed my hands.  Obviously that did nothing to enhance the beauty of the rings!  So I always took them off and set them near the sink when I washed my hands. 

As sometimes happens, I became lulled into that habit of removing the rings without thinking about it too much.  Of course, the day came when I took off the rings in the rest room at work, set them on the shelf directly above the sink while I washed and dried my hands, then turned and left the rest room.  I went back to my office just down the hall an hadn't been there 5 minutes when I realized I didn't have my rings!  I went racing down the hallway to the rest room to retrieve them.

Did I mention that I worked in a hospital?  Or that the rest room was on a major public hallway right next to the Outpatient Clinic on one side and the Emergency Room on the other?  People were in and out of that restroom ALL THE TIME!

Of course, the rings were gone!  I checked with Security, Lost and Found, the reception areas near by, hoping against hope that they had been turned in by an  honest person.  Hah!  Silly me!!  Nothing, nada, zip, zilch!  I was heartbroken and so angry at myself!  What a stupid thing to do!  And how was I ever going to tell Mikey I lost my wedding ring!???

I was so upset, our wedding rings were unique, we would never find anything we liked nearly as well.  Mikey was great about it and didn't get angry -- much.  (I think he knew I was angry and upset enough for both of us!)

Okay, so there we were, married for around 7 or 8 years, neither one of us wore a wedding ring and this was the status:

In his dresser Mikey had:  the original white gold ring that didn't fit and the replacement yellow gold ring that had no mate.

In my jewelry box I had:  the original white gold ring that was a bit small for me.

Fast forward several ringless years.  I don't remember exactly which anniversary it was but, in addition to my yellow roses, there was a small instantly recognizable ring box!  As I opened it I expected earrings or a pin.  What it was was my missing wedding ring!!  I was confused.  Through my tears, I asked how had he found it?  How ever in the world had he gotten it back?? 

What he said was, "It's not the missing ring."  I was astonished, "You found one just like it somehow???  Amazing!

"No" he said with an odd look on his face.  "It's not a new ring, exactly."  Okay, I had run out of options!!  If it's not the missing ring and it's not a new ring, what is it???

Mikey said, "Well, I found a jeweler who makes custom jewelry, so I took both of our original wedding rings, plus the bumpy second gold ring I still had, to this jeweler.  He made a casting of the design of the bumpy ring, MELTED DOWN ALL THREE RINGS, then added a bit more gold.  Then he made each of us a new version of the bumpy ring that had been stolen."  He then pulled his re-made matching ring out of his pocket and put it on his left hand.  "So we now have matching wedding rings again, made from our previous wedding rings!  Happy Anniversary!"

"Something Old and Something New"!!!  I think I cried for days!! 

And that, my friends, is a man you KEEP! 

"I'm Getting Married in the Mornng"

45 years ago, this was my very last night as a single person.  I was getting married the next day.  I don't remember anything too specific about my last day of being single.  I spent most of it finishing up the last of the packing and a few errands for last minute things.  I was only 19, I didn't have a lot of deep thoughts about what I getting myself into!  And I certainly wasn't thinking about how young we were.  I didn't feel like a kid, after all, "I'm Getting Married in the Morning" is about as grown-up an activity as a girl could do!

I don't recall making a list or acknowledging how everything about my life would change.  I was looking forward to the wedding.  I was looking forward to being married to my Mikey.  I was looking forward to the grand adventure we were about to start together.  I was in love and I was happy.  I went off to slumberland without giving too much credence to second thoughts!

The truth is there were many things I had never done and now might not ever do, like like travel by myself, or have my own apartment, or do the "singles scene", or be on my own, or have a career!   I wasn't very concerned about it at that time.  It was only several years later that I had thoughts about what alternatives had existed and how my life would be so different if I hadn't chosen to get married at 19. 

1966 was just about the end of the time when most girls only aspired to be wives and mothers.  There were a few women out there who were preparing for careers, but I wasn't one of them.  I was taking the traditional route....marriage and family.  (Funnily enough, I turned out to be among the first of the working moms, but that's a story for another day.) 

Today in 2011, I  am aware that I have been married two and a quarter times longer than I was single.  It's kind of difficult to even remember some of those single years.  It feels like I have always been married to the Big Guy.  We had a lot of fun things and like everyone, some sadness.   We were blessed with our precious and wonderful daughter, and much later her precious and wonderful daughter.   What greater prize could life have given us??

But back then, this night 45 years ago was my very last as a single woman.  By the next afternoon, I would become a wife!   And 45 years later I still am!

"My Guy"

I knew the very first time I saw him that I wanted to get to know Mikey really well.  Now 45 years later, I do know him well.  There are still surprises, mind you, but you can't live with someone for 45 years and not know most of what there is to know!  We've had a lot of good experiences and fun times and we've both realized that sometimes we are Great together.

So, in honor of our upcoming anniversery, I thought I'd share 45 Things.   just a little list of 45 things I learned (and mostly like)  about "My Guy".

1.  He is very smart.
2.  He can fix just about anything that breaks.
3.  He likes to read.
4.  He's very curious and loves learning new things.
5.  He is a much better cook than I!
6.  He hates to go shopping for clothes.  HATES it!!
7.  He is very allergic to cats.
8.  He is very sentimental about things.
9.  He is a very good driver.  If I am ever in an accident situation, I hope he is driving!  His reaction times are excellent.
10.  He loves babies and little kids.

11.  He is a great "Poppa."    
12.  He has a lot of self-confidence.
13.  He is extremely supportive of me and my interests.
14.  He is not terribly athletic nor interested in sports....except GOLF!
15.  He played the trombone in H.S. band.
16.  He has a Bachelor's Degree in  Chemistry and a Master's Degree in Business.
17.  He's crazy about dogs.
18.  His favorite color is blue.
19.  If he were wealthy he would have a garage full of  interesting cars.
20.  He is the middle child of seven!
21.  He always loved to sing, and discovered he loved acting too, but not until he was over 40!
22.  Despite never doing a thing to stay fit, he has always been  incredibly healthy.
23.  He is not a natural dancer, but he would dance with me fairly often if I asked.
24.  He changed careers at age 50!
25.  He was pretty much a Liberal when we met.  He has changed to a staunch Republican bit by bit.
26.  His middle name is Edward.  He and Maddie-the-Great have the same initials:  M.E.D.
27.  His heritage is Irish and Polish.
28.  He has a great sense of humor (and he laughs at my jokes).
29.  He is proud of Ratchlet's, M-t-G's, and my accomplishments.
30.  He likes all sorts of gadgets and leather goods, but he LOVES tools.
31.  He hates all facets of writing and paperwork!  (He will NEVER have a blog or a FB page!)
32.  He has a great sense of balance.  (I don't think he has fallen since he was a little kid.)
33.  He is great at home decorating things, like painting, wallpaper, cabinets, plumbing!!
34.  He despises Irish Soda Bread, raisins, and oatmeal.
35.  He loves tradition, especially at holidays.
36.  Neither he nor I are very good at making new friends.
37.  He is very aware and critical of poor grammar or spelling.
38.  He has had a beard for many, many years.
39.  He hates hot weather.
40.  He has no real "vices".
41.  He has a big temper, which he has become much more adept at controlling.
42.  He cannot draw.
43.  He has been known to cry at the theater (and sometimes movies).
44.  He is extremely generous and gives great presents.
45.  He has put up with me and my foibles for 45 years!

He is "My Guy" and here's to lots more years together!

"They Didn't Believe Me"

Mikey was 20 and I was 19 when we got married.  I would venture to say that a large majority of the people who knew us, thought we were too young, that it wouldn't last, that it was a BIG mistake.  No one ever said that to me but I know that it is true.  You could see it on their faces. 

We never thought so then.  Now when I think back, I can see how they might have come to that conclusion.  We were awfully young.  We had no money, we had no jobs, we had no prospects, but we had each other.  We were convinced that we would be just fine.  Nevertheless, "They Didn't Believe Me" when I said so.

And now in exactly six days we will reach our 45th wedding anniversary.  45 years!  Together!  Not all rainbows and roses, but not all black clouds and thunder either.  We made a life together. 

Ours was a small wedding, held in the chapel of the nuns' residence of Mikey's home parish.  Our reception was held at the home of one of my aunts.  We had only a maid of honor and a best man, no other attendants.  My walk down the aisle on my dad's arm was only about 20 feet from beginning to end.  Although the chapel was crowded (I loved that!), there were less than 50 people there, including the priest and the photographer!!

Not very many people who were at our wedding are still living.  My parents and Mikey's parents are gone, our best man and maid of honor are gone, all but one of the aunts and uncles are gone. 

Others we have lost track of.  I don't even remember everyone who was there.  I know we had several friends from school, but today only one of them is still a part of our lives.  As for the rest, our lives diverged almost immediately after the wedding and we never saw them again. 

The result is that if we were to have an anniversary party, the only original wedding guests who could be there are few.   My sister, three of Mikey's sisters, one uncle, our friend, Bonnie, and us.  That's a pretty small group.

So all those people who feared we would not make a success of our marriage were wrong.  Sadly though, most of them are no longer a part of our lives and cannot see that we are still together after 45 years!

Even though "They Didn't Believe Me", it was a good decision.  The bottom line is that at just 19 and 20 years old, we managed to know that we were supposed to be together.  And for 44 years, 51 weeks, and counting, we were right! 

Most of them would be surprised.   Frankly, sometimes, so are we!