"Come Saturday Morning"

Like most little girls M-T-G was/is really attached to her mom.  In fact, so attached that she didn't want to do sleep-overs with friends (or even with grandmothers!) because she would get really unhappy, homesick and miss her mom.  Once or twice when she did finally decide to try staying over for a birthday party or something, Ratchlet got a call to go and pick her up  and take her home because she just was so miserable. Once she hit 11 (or so) she mostly got over that and she has gone to several sleepovers with her friends without incident.  

This isn't unusual in the world of children.  I remember being picked up a time or two myself when I was around that age.  That homesick feeling is really tough to deal with for a child.....well for anybody, I guess, but for little girls it is a devastating feeling.  I don't know of any adult who is unable to spend the night away from home.   So eventually we all grow out of it, but try to tell a miserably unhappy little girl who misses her mom that she'll grow out of it!! Can we say they do not believe you?

Now M-t-G  is over 12 and she took tje next step in that growing up process this week.  She spent a week away at Girl Scout Camp.  A whole week!  She had been to this camp with her troop a couple of times, but that didn't really count because Ratchlet is one of the troop leaders, so she was there!  That's a whole different ball of wax!

But this time no Mom, no Dad for a whole week.  The camp is pretty close so if M-t-G needed rescuing, it wouldn't take long to get there.   Ratchlet did hear from the camp, because M-t-G had a tummy ache one day (nothing serious and the next day she was fine.)  The counselor did say that M-t-G had been a little homesick, but only when they weren't doing something. lol!  The thing is though, that M-t-G didn't ask to go home!  She didn't have a meltdown or anything.  Once they were busy again she was fine.  Such progress!!

"Come Saturday Morning" (tomorrow) she'll be home, so we'll see what her overall reaction to being away at camp really was!  Still, I have high hopes she had a great time and before long she won't remember that she didn't see or talk to her mom for a whole week.  Fingers crossed!

She's growing up, but she's doing it at her own pace, just like everything she has ever done!  

"Thank You for the Music" (Part III)

As I was saying....It was my turn next.   I was nervous, I'd never auditioned as a soloist!!  The other girls were sitting in the Choir pews and talking softly.  I  had heard the song 4 or 5 times by then, so I was somewhat familiar with it but still....  I swallowed a few thousand times.  Miss Jones played the introduction, the girls stopped talking,  and I started to sing.  After about 2 bars, I stopped dead. 

"What was THAT?  WHO was that?"  I asked.   Everyone was looking at me with surprise except Miss Jones who just sat and smiled and said "That was our next soloist."  You see, my voice had filled the church.  It sounded rich and full and powerful (not perfect of course, but bigger and stronger than any of the others!)  I couldn't believe it!!  Ms. Jones started the introduction again and I sang the whole song.  It was amazing to me!  I never knew I sounded like that!!  I was singing full out in a church with great acoustics and that was something I had never done before.  When I finished Miss Jones was still grinning (evidently she pretty much knew what was going to happen), the other girls were clapping, squealing, and  giving hugs, and I was astounded.  After singing with other people for so long, I had always been working on blending and being part of the ensemble. But there in  that little church in that little town, I learned that yes, I COULD SING!!  Really sing....  I was going to Regional Competition as a soloist!  Oh wow! 

So Miss Jones and I started rehearsing the two songs I would sing.  As the time grew closer, I kept getting more and more nervous.  Singing in an empty church in front of  a few of my new friends was one thing, standing in front of a musical expert who would JUDGE me was something altogether different and I was having long term anticipatory stage fright that just kept getting worse. 

Finally, the day came for the competition.  There were only three of us in the room, Miss Jones, the Judge, and me.  Oh God, I was terrified.  My throat was dry, my hands were shaking a bit, and I felt like I was going to throw up!  Oh, help!!  I would never survive this.  I was supposed to sing now???  I could hardly breathe much less sing!  All the competitors were to introduce themselves, give the name of their school, and announce the names and composers of each song.  When I attempted to do that my voice was shaking and I was speaking in a whisper, but somehow I got it out.  Then Miss Jones began the introduction and I was "on".  I started the song and I was still nervous but I tried to concentrate on doing the best I could. 

As I was singing the first song, I began to notice that there was something funky happening to my knees.  My kneecaps were bouncing up and down....both of them! It was the oddest feeling!  I kept on singing, but my mind was obsessed with my knees.   I never knew that kneecaps could bounce!  I just knew this was NOT GOOD.  I kept singing.  In my head, I started thinking, "Oh please, please, make it stop.  Don't let me faint.  Why are they doing that?  Help!!!  Oh wow, this is amazing!"   I finally realized that I was at the end of the second song!  It was over!!  I did it!   And I lived through it!!!

The Judge thanked me, made a few comments on what I should work on, shook hands with Miss Jones, and left the room.  I starting jumping around, hugging Miss Jones, and talking a mile a minute about my bouncy knees!  And I couldn't stop smiling and laughing.  At that moment I didn't even care about the evaluation, because I did it!

After a bit of time my rating sheet was returned to us.  Ms. Jones took a quick look and then handed it to me.  My nervous tummy butterflies were back and I was afraid to look.  She was smiling and said, "Go on", so I looked down at the paper.  I'm pretty sure that I screamed and Miss Jones started laughing.  There it was, up in the top right hand corner:   Overall Rating:  I - Superior!  The highest rating you could get!  Despite nerves and inexperience and and the tap dancing going on in the middle of my legs, I had succeeded!  And I had written proof that, Yes, indeedy, I could sing!!

That event put me on a path that continued to lead me to more and more music in my life...College Choir with an awesome Director, Dr. E. Fissinger, (where I met the Big Guy), church choirs, singing with a trio for more than ten years, doing musical community theater where I worked my way up to principal roles in "Fiddler on the Roof",  "Annie",  "Carousel", and a lot of other shows.  Eventually, I began playing roles in straight plays  like "Steel Magnolias", "On Golden Pond",  "Blithe Spirit", among others.  I've active in theater for over 30 years now and have moved into directing as well.  Even though I'm not involved anymore, theater has been a huge part of my life.  And it all began by singing with my mom as we washed dishes! 

So who should I thank for the music?  I was remarkably blessed with the choir directors I encountered, each of them gave me a part of the package and it was a gift that I used practically everyday of my life!

So thank you Mom, I'm so grateful you loved to sing and taught me to love it too!  Sister Rita Terese, Mr. Yost, and Mrs. Horne, thank you all for the "nuts and bolts".  Jenna Jordan Jones made me see that I was better than I thought.  Dr. Fissinger, every moment with you and the choir was pure joy!  To all of you:

"....I say Thank You for the Music, for giving it to me."  

                                                        - Abba

Postscript:   There is just one teeny, tiny little detail I need to wrap up.  Those bouncy knees??  Never happened again.  Stage Fright?? - gone.  Nerves before performing??  Nope, nada, zip!  Speaking or acting or singing in front of an audience (whether large or small)???   Totally comfortable and at ease!

Hey, if I could survive that first ordeal of competition with my bouncy, dancing kneecaps and still get a Level I - Superior Vocal Rating at the age of 16, I can survive everything else .  Truly!!  And I have!

"Thank You for the Music" (Part II)

To pick up my story from yesterday (soooo, if you haven't read Part I, you may go back and do so now.  I'll wait.)  ........................................  Okay, everybody up to speed??  Here we go.

When I got to the middle of Junior High, we had moved to a different town.  Whoo Hoo!  They had a Women's Chorus AND a Mixed Chorus (that's boys and girls together, gotta love public school).  So I signed up for both.  That's when I met Mrs. Horne, yet another supremely musically knowledgable Director.  Actually "met" is too strong a word.  Encountered is probably more accurate.  I sang under Mrs. Horne's direction for four straight years in both choirs, yet I seriously doubt that she could have told you my name back then, even at the end of those 4 years!

Its not that Mrs. Horne was rude exactly.  [Well, I guess I need to stop and explain something about choral singing before I go on.     In any group of singers there are always stronger singers and weaker singers.  Some people are simply more talented than others.  Some peoples' voices are stand-outs and others are great for background, but aren't individually memorable.  That's just the way it is.   Getting a good blend of all kinds of voices is part of what makes choral singing fun.  Nevertheless, the "background" voices, by their very nature, don't make much of an impression on Directors as a rule.]

Mrs. Horne had been the Chorus Director for years and her Choruses were very good and she was blessed to have several really outstanding singers, especially among the women.  There was Kathy C, Carolyn W., Doni T., Mary C., and about 6 or 7 others whose names escape me at the moment.  They had truly wonderful voices.  I, on the other hand, was always one of those "background singers", just another one of the sopranos.  It didn't bother me.  Up to that point, I had never thought I was anything special vocally.  That was just fine too.  I was painfully shy and would have hated to be singled out.

Mrs. Horne's Choruses ALWAYS got Superior ratings at both Regional and Statewide Competitions.  The soloists ALWAYS got Superior ratings  (they really were very talented young women).  Mrs. Horne knew what she was doing too!  I continued to love choral singing and to learn a lot about music and singing in her Choruses.  

Okay, this is where my life took yet another jog to the left.  In the middle of my Junior year, we moved AGAIN.  That was a heartbreaker for me.  I wouldn't get to graduate with my friends, I knew no one in the new town, the H.S. was a lot smaller.  I was pretty miserable about the whole thing.  But they had a Chorus!  So I joined up.....at least I'd still have music!

Well, I got music and sooooo much more.  I met (truly met!) Miss Jones, the Director, and she CHANGED MY LIFE.  Seriously.  She did!!

Jenna Jordan Jones was only about 24, and relatively new to teaching.  She was a hoot!!  She was young and energetic and fun!  Because she was new, and the Chorus was new to the school, she didn't inherit much in the way of seasoned singers.  But she, too, knew music and what I learned from her was less about music than it was about possibilities and risk, and self-esteem.  She had all sorts of great plans....we were going to have a summer music program, at the end of it we would have a concert and the next year, doing a musical was planned!!  Oh, be still my heart!  I had died and gone to heaven! 

Closer to the end of the school year, the Chorus would be going to Competition.  Some weeks before that, several of the girls were asked to sing solos which would be rated separately from the Chorus rating.  And she asked me!  I thought she was just being nice to the new girl.  You know, "let her audition and it will be a big thrill" kind of thing.  I was scared to death. 

We met one night at one of the local churches.  There were 4 or 5 of us and we were up in the Choir Loft while the church was empty.  Miss Jones had several songs for consideration and she had each of us sing one of them individually.  The others went first and sang a piece called "I Love Life".  It was in first soprano range, so it was right for my voice.  Each of the girls did ok with it, but no one actually sounded great.

Then it was my turn.

[End Part II!  Finish coming tomorrow, I promise!]

"Goody, Goody"

My mother always told me that its not nice to  gloat, but sometimes you just gotta say, "goody, goody!" 

One of the blogs that I visit regularly and enjoy is "navel gazing at its finest" .  A couple of days ago she wrote about her young daughter's problems making friends.  (The link will take you to that posting.)  It was a very wrenching post in some ways, partly because it struck so very close to home.  Evidently it struck close to home for a lot of people, because she received 91 comments (!) from other women, nearly all of whom had had various and similar experiences themselves when they were around that age....including me! 

It's a very, very hard thing to go through, thinking no one likes you....not having a close friend....or having a friend turn into an enemy overnight....any of these can seriously affect self-esteem and self-image for YEARS after.  When you're 8 (or 10 or 13) having any type of related problem can be DEVASTATING.  At that age and into the teenage years emotions are right beneath the surface and it doesn't take much to send a sensitive kiddo into despair.  

And for a mom, watching  their daughter go through it is heart-breaking.  It's heart-breaking because its awful to see your child in pain and its made worse because nobody has a good idea of how to handle it.  Banging a few 3rd grader's heads together is totally out of the question!  But its tempting!!

It seems to be a huge problem, much more wide-spread than I ever thought.    Go and read the original posting and comments and you'll see what I mean.  (link above)  Post after post from women who said, "I thought I was the only one" or "This could have been me."  We all pretty much thought it was unique to us!  But I'm beginning to think it happens to every little girl in some form or other.

* No one came to my sister's 7th birthday party. No one! 

* I was the victim of the betrayal and cruelty of my former best friend at age 11.

* My daughter cried and cried because no one liked her in the 5th grade.

*Maddie-the-Great went through not having a best friend and thinking no one liked her in the early part of the 2nd grade.

As serendipity would have it, it's turned out that M-t-G was have a problem again.  She had met a Best Friend late last year and they were as close as girls can be at that age.  At the beginning of this school year, another girl joined the mix.  So now there were three best friends.  Well, a triad friendship is not easy to maintain at that age, there always seems to be jockeying for position and frequently two of the three will suddenly decide they don't want to be friends with #3 anymore.  There will then be some incident where hurtful or mean things are said and #3 goes home devastated and in tears, often more than once. 

Moms struggle to comfort, console, support, protect, and help their little one deal with the situation.  Often the moms' just feel  helpless and like a failure.  Its only natural. 

When M-t-G talked and cried to her mom, Ratchlet felt no different from all those other moms.  She didn't know what to do to help her little girl either.  But my Ratchlet, is a mom extraordinaire and she didn't give up.  I'm sure she researched it and then she advised M-t-G to confront the friends and tell them that what they did (whatever it was, I don't remember that part) wasn't very nice and that "friends didn't make friends cry".  The advice, in and of itself, was not that unusual.  Most moms probably try to get their daughter to stand up for herself.  But most little girls who are on the receiving end of this kind of thing are not able or willing to do this.  Confrontation doesn't come easy to 8 year olds. 

But, (and now here is the part where we can all stand up and sing, "Goody, goody")  Maddie-the-Great did it!!!  She went right up to them and said (paraphasing here) she didn't want to play with them anymore because what they said was mean and hurt her feelings.  Then she said, "Friends don't make friends cry!"  

WHOO HOO, MADDIE!!  Way to go.  I'm so proud of her I could burst!!  I am thrilled that she didn't just roll up and fade away like so many of us did.  Oh, she was scared, and nervous, and still upset and unsure what would happen but nevertheless, she stood up for herself and told her friends how they had made her feel and she walked away!  She didn't let the bullies win!  That's an enormous accomplishment.  She chose not to be the victim!  It was a very courageous thing to do. 

As a postscript, it appears all three girls are back to being friends.

Maddie-the-Great ....What a kid!