"Sing Me No Sad Songs"

In the last four days, I have lost two friends. That's hard to bear.

 The first, Kay M., I have known since I was about 15 as we were in high school together. She was a year younger than I, but in a small school, being in different classes isn't as much of an obstacle to traveling in the same social circle. The second, Doug A., I have only known since last July as he was our Tech Director for "Bus Stop".  Both deaths came as enormous shock and I am deeply saddened.

Of course, the two of them didn't know each other.  They were my friends at different times, in different places,  and for different reasons.  They probably would have liked each other.  I certainly liked them both.

Kay's mother, who lived with her,  had died during the last year when she was well into her 80s.  They had been very close.  Kay was divorced, her daughter grown, with children of her own and living half a country away.  Kay was an independent, bright, open-minded, and funny lady.  She was a writer.  She had literally just moved from FL to TX a few days before Christmas to be close to her daughter.  She went into the hospital within a day.  She had some sort of respiratory problems that took her life last week.

Two days after learning of Kay's death, I learned that Doug had also died suddenly.  Doug was much younger than Kay (in his early 50s), married, father of two daughters and was highly energetic, driven, and committed to whatever he took on.  He was the father of one of our cast members and offered to do lights for the show.  Over the course of rehearsals that turned into lights, sound, set building, re-wiring, some props, and he even fixed the air conditioning.  Doug was one of those people who saw a need and just did it!  And did it well.  He was extremely efficient and I was hoping to work with him  on many more shows.

There is a memorial service for Doug tomorrow which I will attend.  I don't know about plans for celebrating Kay's life, but I am sure that they will be forthcoming and will be fitting to the dear lady she was.

Although I considered them both friends, the reality is that I didn't know either of them extremely well.  In some ways however, they were quite alike.  The both loved life, had many, many friends, and were positive people, who got things done.  And I am positive neither of them would want their friends and families to be sad and grieve for a long time.  I know Kay, and probably Doug, would both say, "Sing Me No Sad Songs."

So I will try not to.  I will just say to each of them....I'm glad you came into my life.  Thank you for sharing yourself and your gifts.  I will miss you.  May you Rest in Peace, my friends.

"Make Believe"

I wanted to clarify a bit about why I used John Lennon's "Imagine" on my 9/11 post.

 I debated a long while before posting the song. I know that it's content is controversial.  I fully expected comments arguing against the use of the song, but I really only got one. The comment came from one of my favorite blogger pals, Cass from "That Old House" http://cass-thatoldhouse.blogspot.com/ , a lovely blog that I thoroughly enjoy and look forward to. She left a comment about my post. As I told her, I'm not at all bothered by her comment, basically I agree! (You can read it in the post's comment section.) This is the reply I sent to her

Lennon was a dreamer, but a lot of people condemned him for heretical beliefs.  But this song is not a call for real change, it's a song to think about.  Just imagine....let's pretend what it would be like if.....   It's about "Make Believe."

In our very real world, none of the "imaginings"  are workable or even possible.  However, the line that has always resonated with me is "nothing to kill or die for".  Our world has been dreaming of peace since the dawn of time.  Even though many of us have become civilized, and educated, and survival is not the struggle it once was, we still (after centuries) cannot get over the concept that whatever we believe is what everyone must believe!  I'd love to live in a world where being different is no longer a crime punishable by death and destruction. But we seem eternally stuck as a species where  we, and they, are willing (perhaps even eager) to fight and die for our particular beliefs, no matter what they are.  We keep losing our young men and women because there is always something to go and fight for!  How many have died in name of a cause or belief?  How many innocent "bystanders" have died?  What seems ridiculous to me is that both sides of any conflict are fighting under the same principle:  We are right and They are wrong!  No matter who the We and They may be!!

 I like to imagine a world where there are better ways to settle differences and it's OK to believe something different than the guy sitting next to you on the subway.  I, too, love the myriad fascinations of our world and it's people and would not want to live without them.  I just wish we could stop killing each other over them!

That's the great thing about imagining, you can "Make Believe" anything even if it's not really a good idea!

"Blowin' in the Wind"

We've all seen stories on the news describing unfortunate events resulting in someone's death.  The stories that catch my attention the most are types like these:

-  93 Year Old Woman Killed By Home Intruder
-  83 Year Old Man Dies in House Fire
- 70 Year Old Couple Trapped in Car Plunging Into River
-  8 Residents Perish when Tornado Demolishes Nursing Home
-  Bus Filled with Senior Citizens Struck by Train, 9 Die
-  Elderly Woman Accidental Victim of  Drive-by Shooting

Yes, the kind of tragic event which causes the untimely death of an elderly individual.  It is tragic when anyone dies in such events, but when it happens to an older person it makes me want to cry and shout, "No, Unfair!"  "Unjust!"  "Not Right!!" and most of all, "Why??" 

These people have lived for decades and have survived all manner of things; yet they have come through and lived to reach old age.  It should be a time for them to do whatever things they want (and can) do, to enjoy their families, to savor their good health (or as much of it they have), to live each moment, and be assured that they are safe!  By that age they have the right to feel like they are survivors, for they are!  They can reasonably expect that their health may go, their minds may weaken, and that death will eventually come, but they don't expect it to happen accidentally! 

But death is cruel and unfair and indiscriminately chooses it's victims and methods without regard for fairness or reason.  It is so sad.  It makes me angry sometimes.  It is certainly no reward for a lifetime of survival or for a life well-lived.

We received word yesterday of the death of our friend, Bill E.  Bill was somewhere between 85 and 90 years old.  His wife of 60 years, Fleda E., died just last April after a long illness.  It was about 15 years ago when we lived in California that we met Fleda, and then Bill, through our mutual love of theater. 

Fleda was one of the dearest people I've ever known.  I considered her my theatrical mentor.  I admired, respected, and came to love her.  I learned so much about theater and about my skills and talents from her.  Besides, she had a wicked sense of humor, she made me laugh.

Bill's interest and talents in theater were more as a support to Fleda.  His professional skills were in the area of computers, and technology.  We didn't know Bill nearly as well as well as Fleda, but we had shared a few evenings with them both and enjoyed their company tremendously.  Bill was a low-key, soft-spoken, quiet man, with a wry and witty sense of humor.  He was a wonderful counterpoint to Fleda's more flamboyant nature.  He always struck me as a dear, gentle soul.  I liked him quite a lot.

We received a Christmas note from Bill just after Thanksgiving this year.  In fact, it was one of the first Christmas greetings we received.   I was pleased to hear from him and was very glad to know he was well.  Widowers often do not do well alone, but Bill's letter was very reassuring that he was not one of them.

However, yesterday, we received a note from one of Bill and Fleda's daughters, informing his friends that tragically, Bill had died on January 17 as the result of complications from severe burns he had received during a freak car fire just before Christmas.  His family was devasted.  Mikey and I were both shaken and sad.

NO!  Unfair!  Unjust!! It can't be true!!  Not Bill!  Why???

As I re-read his Christmas letter it made me so sad.  He was living in a small cottage on his son's property and was enjoying being close and in an area new to him.  There was a duck pond visible from his window!  This dear man was looking forward.  His last paragraph said,

We Kentuckians tend to be long lived -- I just had a pleasant visit from two Kentucky cousins, both 92 -- so I hope that this will be but one of many opportunities that I will have to wish you all a very Merry Christmas.

Sadly, this is not to be; he is gone now.  He did not have the chance to "go gentle into that good night" as he deserved.  I don't understand why these kinds of things happen.  I expect I never will understand. I suppose it's another of those questions whose answer is "blowin' in the wind".

Rest in Peace, Bill.  We are glad we knew you.