"Get Me to the Church On Time"

My mother used to say that it took me 24 hours to get born, and I've been late ever since!  It  appears I do not have the same understanding of time as everyone else.  The sad truth is that I am late more often than not....all my life!  We were late to my best friend's wedding.  We were late to my daughter's wedding (but they couldn't start without us....we had the bride!!)  I was late for work about 75% of the time for my entire career!!!  It drives a lot of friends, bosses, and family absolutely crazy!

But I am NOT always late.  In fact, on the one day when one might be expected to be delayed by over-the-top primping and such, I was on time.  In fact, we were even a little bit early (not a lot, you understand, but a little.) 

Just like Alfie Doolittle ("My Fair Lady"), "Get Me to the Church on Time" was my mantra that day!  What day??  Well, my wedding day, of course!

Forty-six years ago today.  46!  Years.  Ago.   Holy shoes and rice, Batman!!  46 years!

It was a very bright and sunny day in Chicago on April 2, 1966 but it was really cold!  It looked like Spring but it still felt like Winter.  We had to drive from the north side down to the south side, because we were being married in Mikey's home parish (I can't remember why exactly), so we had at least a 45 minute drive to get to the church. 

I don't remember whose car we were in.  I don't remember who drove.  I don't remember who was in the car.  I have a vague recollection of sitting alone in the back seat, but I don't think I was really.....maybe it just felt like I was alone.  Its a big thing to get married (duh!), but when you are only 19, its monumental. 

What was ahead?  Was this really a good idea?  Would it work out?  Would we be happy?  Would it last??   Did I really want to be a wife??  Maybe I should just jump out of the car and run away!  Very far away!!  These kinds of thoughts jumbled around inside my head throughout that long drive.  I suppose that is not much different from any other bride (or groom for that matter.) 

There I was, little 19 year old me, only weighing about 100 lbs. soaking wet, wearing a borrowed dress, a borrowed veil, wrapped up in a borrowed mink stole (it wasn't as politically incorrect, all those years ago).  It felt a little bit like playing dress up. 

But it wasn't make believe, it was very real.  And it turned out to be the right thing to do, because here we are 46 years later and we are still together.  It was was a good idea.  And it sure has lasted!  We have had a life filled with much happiness, a lot of laughter, a reasonable number of tears, love, caring, a fair amount of worry and sadness, lots of joy, some disappointments.....highs and lows....day after day....for 46 years. 


I think they call that a marriage!


Happy Anniversary, Big Guy!

"Something Old, Something New"

Well, here it is, the actual day and time, the goalpost, We have officially been married (to each other!) for 45 years!  WhooHoo!  There were times I was sure we wouldn't last another 45 MINUTES much less 45 years.  I'm not exactly sure why this particular anniversary feels so significant.  Usually it's 25 or 50 or even (oh my stars) 75 year anniversaries that are felt to be special.   Nevertheless, 45 years for us seems incredibly long.  How can two people manage to live together for 45 years?  What keeps a marriage going? 

Well, the key is finding the right person.  No big surprise there!  Finding that person is not usually all that easy.  There is no flashing arrow that points out your soul mate!  No one hands you his name and address when you hit puberty.  You just have to muddle along and keep your eyes open and be ready to say,
"Aha!  There he is!  Finally!" and grab on tight.

The sad truth is, that sometimes you're right and sometimes you're wrong, but you usually won't figure it out for a long time. 

Somehow I managed to be one of the lucky ones because I found Mikey and I still have him!  Let me tell you just how lucky I am.


When Mikey and I chose our wedding rings, we didn't have a lot of money, so we didn't get anything too fancy.  They were matching bands with a combination of polished and brushed white gold.  Simple and fairly plain.  We wore those rings for five years.

For our fifth anniversary, we decided to get new rings to mark the occasion because 1) Mikey couldn't get his ring on anymore, 2) I had realized that I liked yellow gold much more than white gold, and 3) we could now afford something more to our current tastes.

We found an unusual set of matching rings that looked a bit like a ring of small gold nuggets.  The were beautiful, unique, and we loved them.

Over the years Mikey had become very adept at finding jewelry that I loved and occasionally found lovely things for my birthday and Christmas, including a cocktail ring with a cluster of diamonds that I just loved.  I wore it on my right hand.

Because of the design of these two rings there were lots of little crevices, and bumps, and soap would get embedded in the spaces when I washed my hands.  Obviously that did nothing to enhance the beauty of the rings!  So I always took them off and set them near the sink when I washed my hands. 

As sometimes happens, I became lulled into that habit of removing the rings without thinking about it too much.  Of course, the day came when I took off the rings in the rest room at work, set them on the shelf directly above the sink while I washed and dried my hands, then turned and left the rest room.  I went back to my office just down the hall an hadn't been there 5 minutes when I realized I didn't have my rings!  I went racing down the hallway to the rest room to retrieve them.

Did I mention that I worked in a hospital?  Or that the rest room was on a major public hallway right next to the Outpatient Clinic on one side and the Emergency Room on the other?  People were in and out of that restroom ALL THE TIME!

Of course, the rings were gone!  I checked with Security, Lost and Found, the reception areas near by, hoping against hope that they had been turned in by an  honest person.  Hah!  Silly me!!  Nothing, nada, zip, zilch!  I was heartbroken and so angry at myself!  What a stupid thing to do!  And how was I ever going to tell Mikey I lost my wedding ring!???

I was so upset, our wedding rings were unique, we would never find anything we liked nearly as well.  Mikey was great about it and didn't get angry -- much.  (I think he knew I was angry and upset enough for both of us!)

Okay, so there we were, married for around 7 or 8 years, neither one of us wore a wedding ring and this was the status:

In his dresser Mikey had:  the original white gold ring that didn't fit and the replacement yellow gold ring that had no mate.

In my jewelry box I had:  the original white gold ring that was a bit small for me.

Fast forward several ringless years.  I don't remember exactly which anniversary it was but, in addition to my yellow roses, there was a small instantly recognizable ring box!  As I opened it I expected earrings or a pin.  What it was was my missing wedding ring!!  I was confused.  Through my tears, I asked how had he found it?  How ever in the world had he gotten it back?? 

What he said was, "It's not the missing ring."  I was astonished, "You found one just like it somehow???  Amazing!

"No" he said with an odd look on his face.  "It's not a new ring, exactly."  Okay, I had run out of options!!  If it's not the missing ring and it's not a new ring, what is it???

Mikey said, "Well, I found a jeweler who makes custom jewelry, so I took both of our original wedding rings, plus the bumpy second gold ring I still had, to this jeweler.  He made a casting of the design of the bumpy ring, MELTED DOWN ALL THREE RINGS, then added a bit more gold.  Then he made each of us a new version of the bumpy ring that had been stolen."  He then pulled his re-made matching ring out of his pocket and put it on his left hand.  "So we now have matching wedding rings again, made from our previous wedding rings!  Happy Anniversary!"

"Something Old and Something New"!!!  I think I cried for days!! 

And that, my friends, is a man you KEEP! 

"I'm Getting Married in the Mornng"

45 years ago, this was my very last night as a single person.  I was getting married the next day.  I don't remember anything too specific about my last day of being single.  I spent most of it finishing up the last of the packing and a few errands for last minute things.  I was only 19, I didn't have a lot of deep thoughts about what I getting myself into!  And I certainly wasn't thinking about how young we were.  I didn't feel like a kid, after all, "I'm Getting Married in the Morning" is about as grown-up an activity as a girl could do!

I don't recall making a list or acknowledging how everything about my life would change.  I was looking forward to the wedding.  I was looking forward to being married to my Mikey.  I was looking forward to the grand adventure we were about to start together.  I was in love and I was happy.  I went off to slumberland without giving too much credence to second thoughts!

The truth is there were many things I had never done and now might not ever do, like like travel by myself, or have my own apartment, or do the "singles scene", or be on my own, or have a career!   I wasn't very concerned about it at that time.  It was only several years later that I had thoughts about what alternatives had existed and how my life would be so different if I hadn't chosen to get married at 19. 

1966 was just about the end of the time when most girls only aspired to be wives and mothers.  There were a few women out there who were preparing for careers, but I wasn't one of them.  I was taking the traditional route....marriage and family.  (Funnily enough, I turned out to be among the first of the working moms, but that's a story for another day.) 

Today in 2011, I  am aware that I have been married two and a quarter times longer than I was single.  It's kind of difficult to even remember some of those single years.  It feels like I have always been married to the Big Guy.  We had a lot of fun things and like everyone, some sadness.   We were blessed with our precious and wonderful daughter, and much later her precious and wonderful daughter.   What greater prize could life have given us??

But back then, this night 45 years ago was my very last as a single woman.  By the next afternoon, I would become a wife!   And 45 years later I still am!

"My Guy"

I knew the very first time I saw him that I wanted to get to know Mikey really well.  Now 45 years later, I do know him well.  There are still surprises, mind you, but you can't live with someone for 45 years and not know most of what there is to know!  We've had a lot of good experiences and fun times and we've both realized that sometimes we are Great together.

So, in honor of our upcoming anniversery, I thought I'd share 45 Things.   just a little list of 45 things I learned (and mostly like)  about "My Guy".

1.  He is very smart.
2.  He can fix just about anything that breaks.
3.  He likes to read.
4.  He's very curious and loves learning new things.
5.  He is a much better cook than I!
6.  He hates to go shopping for clothes.  HATES it!!
7.  He is very allergic to cats.
8.  He is very sentimental about things.
9.  He is a very good driver.  If I am ever in an accident situation, I hope he is driving!  His reaction times are excellent.
10.  He loves babies and little kids.

11.  He is a great "Poppa."    
12.  He has a lot of self-confidence.
13.  He is extremely supportive of me and my interests.
14.  He is not terribly athletic nor interested in sports....except GOLF!
15.  He played the trombone in H.S. band.
16.  He has a Bachelor's Degree in  Chemistry and a Master's Degree in Business.
17.  He's crazy about dogs.
18.  His favorite color is blue.
19.  If he were wealthy he would have a garage full of  interesting cars.
20.  He is the middle child of seven!
21.  He always loved to sing, and discovered he loved acting too, but not until he was over 40!
22.  Despite never doing a thing to stay fit, he has always been  incredibly healthy.
23.  He is not a natural dancer, but he would dance with me fairly often if I asked.
24.  He changed careers at age 50!
25.  He was pretty much a Liberal when we met.  He has changed to a staunch Republican bit by bit.
26.  His middle name is Edward.  He and Maddie-the-Great have the same initials:  M.E.D.
27.  His heritage is Irish and Polish.
28.  He has a great sense of humor (and he laughs at my jokes).
29.  He is proud of Ratchlet's, M-t-G's, and my accomplishments.
30.  He likes all sorts of gadgets and leather goods, but he LOVES tools.
31.  He hates all facets of writing and paperwork!  (He will NEVER have a blog or a FB page!)
32.  He has a great sense of balance.  (I don't think he has fallen since he was a little kid.)
33.  He is great at home decorating things, like painting, wallpaper, cabinets, plumbing!!
34.  He despises Irish Soda Bread, raisins, and oatmeal.
35.  He loves tradition, especially at holidays.
36.  Neither he nor I are very good at making new friends.
37.  He is very aware and critical of poor grammar or spelling.
38.  He has had a beard for many, many years.
39.  He hates hot weather.
40.  He has no real "vices".
41.  He has a big temper, which he has become much more adept at controlling.
42.  He cannot draw.
43.  He has been known to cry at the theater (and sometimes movies).
44.  He is extremely generous and gives great presents.
45.  He has put up with me and my foibles for 45 years!

He is "My Guy" and here's to lots more years together!

"They Didn't Believe Me"

Mikey was 20 and I was 19 when we got married.  I would venture to say that a large majority of the people who knew us, thought we were too young, that it wouldn't last, that it was a BIG mistake.  No one ever said that to me but I know that it is true.  You could see it on their faces. 

We never thought so then.  Now when I think back, I can see how they might have come to that conclusion.  We were awfully young.  We had no money, we had no jobs, we had no prospects, but we had each other.  We were convinced that we would be just fine.  Nevertheless, "They Didn't Believe Me" when I said so.

And now in exactly six days we will reach our 45th wedding anniversary.  45 years!  Together!  Not all rainbows and roses, but not all black clouds and thunder either.  We made a life together. 

Ours was a small wedding, held in the chapel of the nuns' residence of Mikey's home parish.  Our reception was held at the home of one of my aunts.  We had only a maid of honor and a best man, no other attendants.  My walk down the aisle on my dad's arm was only about 20 feet from beginning to end.  Although the chapel was crowded (I loved that!), there were less than 50 people there, including the priest and the photographer!!

Not very many people who were at our wedding are still living.  My parents and Mikey's parents are gone, our best man and maid of honor are gone, all but one of the aunts and uncles are gone. 

Others we have lost track of.  I don't even remember everyone who was there.  I know we had several friends from school, but today only one of them is still a part of our lives.  As for the rest, our lives diverged almost immediately after the wedding and we never saw them again. 

The result is that if we were to have an anniversary party, the only original wedding guests who could be there are few.   My sister, three of Mikey's sisters, one uncle, our friend, Bonnie, and us.  That's a pretty small group.

So all those people who feared we would not make a success of our marriage were wrong.  Sadly though, most of them are no longer a part of our lives and cannot see that we are still together after 45 years!

Even though "They Didn't Believe Me", it was a good decision.  The bottom line is that at just 19 and 20 years old, we managed to know that we were supposed to be together.  And for 44 years, 51 weeks, and counting, we were right! 

Most of them would be surprised.   Frankly, sometimes, so are we!

"Isn't It Romantic?"

In looking back over my postings, I realize I've written about my mom and dad, my daughter, my sister, my granddaughter, assorted aunts, uncles, and cousins, as well as friends, used-to-be friends, and almost friends, plus a few random people that have flitted in and out of my life. But I have not said very much about the Big Guy.  Today is the perfect day to begin to correct that, because April 2 marks the anniversary of the day we were wed....44 years ago!   (Yowza!)

We were married when I was 19 and Mikey was a month shy of 21.  Of course at the time we didn't think it was all that young.  I can't post a photo to show how young we really were.  If you have been reading my Musings for a while, you will remember that I do not have one single solitary photograph of us, the wedding, the church, the bridal party, the flowers, the cake, the reception, my family, his family, the priest, or anything else from that day. Nothing. 
(Click here to find out why Photography)

The best I can do is tell you about it a bit.  It was a bright, sunny, but quite cold day in Chicago.  We were married in a small chapel that was part of Mikey's parish and the officiant was a friend of his.  My cousin, Sherry, was my maid-of-honor, our good friend, Dan was the best man.  I carried a bouquet of yellow roses. My dress was ivory.  My dad walked me down the aisle and our friends and family filled the little chapel. 

When I first saw Mikey that day, he was standing at the front of the chapel with the priest and the best man.  He looked scared to death.  I thought it was so sweet.  I remember thinking that he was so serious and never even smiled at me once.  I thought it was because he was nervous that everything would go well.  I knew he would always take care of me and make sure everything was right.  I was wildly in love!

It wasn't a full Mass in the big 2/3 empty church, because I didn't want  that (nearly had a breakdown in front of the dopey parish priest...not Mikey's friend!...who tried to coerce me into it anyway.)  The little chapel was perfect, small and filled to the rafters, the ceremony short but meaningful, and the whole thing seemed over in a flash and it was done.  We were married!

We did the receiving line at the chapel and then traveled to the home of my aunt, who opened her home to us for a reception.  We had cake, we had food, we had presents, we had music, we had dancing, we had laughter and even a few tears, we had family and friends, it was beyond great, it was just what I wanted! 

Long after that day (and I mean by years), I finally realized that there was one element that we hadn't even thought about.  There was no music at the chapel.  None, at all.  Dad walked me down the aisle in silence, communion was silent, no soloist, no ensemble, Mikey and I headed back down the aisle in silence after it was done.  No music at all.  It was a little eerie.

Now this is significant because, if I may remind you, Mikey and I met in college choir, we were both still active members of that choir.  The little chapel was overflowing with singers and musicians from the choir.   Our best man's girlfriend was a wonderful pianist.  There was even a piano in the chapel!  Yet, not one of us, even gave it a thought, well, at least I didn't.  Even if everyone had just hummed, it would have been better than silence!

Even now after all these years, I still cannot believe we let that happen.  Music has been crucial to our lives and we never thought about it.  Hmmppff.  If in some universe, I ever go through a wedding ceremony again, you can bet that music will be the second thing I arrange for!!  (The first will be for multiple photographers!!) 

Anyway, back to Mikey a bit.  When we were in the car riding from the church to the ceremony, I mentioned to him how sweet I thought he looked all scared and nervous at the front of the chapel.  Mikey didn't say much.  I probably went on and on about it a bit, as I am wont to do!  Finally, he broke down and admitted that he wasn't scared about the wedding or the marriage or our future; he was trying desperately to keep from throwing up!!!   It seems the guys had taken Mikey out for a bit of a bachelor party the night before the wedding.  Not having much experience with liquor (they were all underage!), they didn't have access to much in the way of booze.  Somehow they managed to scrape up several different things. Unfortunately, they finished every drop they were able to procure and some of it was just one step up from rotgut!  They ran out of mixers, so by the end they were using grape juice and root beer to mix with really bad bourbon.  My loving, shy, nervous bridegroom was, for the first time in his life, hungover!  

I was a bit upset that day, but it was a long time ago and now I think it is just hysterical!  

So it was 44 years ago today that we tied the knot.  That's a really long time.  Happy Anniversary, Bunky!

There are very few of those who came to our wedding who are still alive.  Mikey's mom and my parents are gone, the aunts and uncles and some of the cousins are gone.  My maid of honor and the best man are both gone.  We lost touch with most of the friends.  Besides Mikey and I, the only ones who are still a part of our lives are my Lil Sis (who was 7 at the time), Mikey's siblings and their kids, and our good friend, Bonnie, the aforementioned pianist!

It was a lovely wedding and I'm grateful to Mom and Dad, Aunt Pinkie, Sherry, Dan, who made it happen, and to all our friends who there to wish us well.  Most of them would probaly be pretty surprised that we are still together after all these years.  But we knew.  We were commited and we were in love.  "Isn't it romantic?"  Mikey and I have had a marriage like many do, good times, bad times, and every thing in between, we've both changed over time,  my hair is grey, Mikey doesn't have much hair.  We are proud of our daughter and our grandaughter and we are happy most of the time.  We still can make each other laugh.  We are married!

And every single April 2 for the last 44 years, Mikey has brought me yellow roses....

Oh yes, most definitely romantic!