"Things I Couldn't Say" (aka Dear So and So....)

Hey, it's Friday!  Let's do a 

 
Dear Old Man Winter,

I'd like to ask you to please stop dumping all that snow on my Northern (and a few Southern) friends!!  They have had enough....actually, more than enough!  Even my friends who profess to love snow are re-evaluating their position!  20" in Chicago on top of what they already have??  That's just mean!

And while I have you, you really need to let up on the cold temperatures in the Deep South (particularly Austin).  Houses here are not built to withstand 18 F temperatures.  My poor furnace has been struggling for 3 days to bring the house up to what the thermostat is set for!   Struggling and failing!!  The internal temp is hovering 2-4 degrees below that desired temperature. 

I have closed all the drapes and blinds.  I have shut the bedroom and bathroom doors to try to contain the heat.  I feel like I'm living in a cave!! Those rooms are nice and toasty, it's the big open floorplan areas (that would be the living room, dining room, kitchen and family room!!) that are still chilly.  The furnace just can't keep up!

So, what do you say, hike the outside temps back up to the 78 F we had last Saturday??  And please, don't even think about throwing any of that snow our way!

Shiveringly,

Mel

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Sometimes a letter just won't do!
Hello, Fashion Police??

My name is Shoeless Mel and I do not normally bother you, but I just don't know who else to turn to about a small matter relating to fashion (kind of).  I figure maybe you could come and do a top to bottom search of the premises.  You won't even need a search warrant, 'cuz I'll gladly let you in.

You see, I seem to have lost a (I'm embarrassed to admit this) pair of shoes! ..... Well, I don't know where I lost them.  If I knew where I lost them, they wouldn't be lost!!  (Sheesh!)

They were a perfectly lovely cute fairly new pair of grey clogs..... No, you're right, I haven't always worn clogs, but since I can't wear pretty shoes anymore (what has happened to my feet??), I now opt for comfort. .... Yes, clogs are certainly comfortable!  About three years after moving here I bought several pairs....black, red, green, brown, and grey!  Well, I cannot find the grey pair.  I have looked everywhere..... Ha-Ha, yeah, everywhere but where they are -- you're such a comedian.

No, I am NOT in the habit of losing shoes, or garments of any sort!  Do I sound like the sort that would be walking around barefoot?? ..... Yes, I've looked under beds, chairs, sofas, tables, I've looked in all the closets, all the shoe boxes, all the suitcases and I cannot find them.  So, do you think you could help?

Well, noooo, I'm not exactly 100% sure, but I'm really pretty sure I actually own a  pair of grey clogs, I think.  Maybe. ....  I can see them in my mind's eye! ..... No, my mind's eye isn't showing me where they are.....Yeah, good one...not!

Look just forget it, ok?  I'll keep looking myself.  I'm hanging up now.....Hey, it's not nice to laugh at your elders!!! 

Smart-aleck!


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Dear Social Security Administration,

Although I, myself, am not too extensively affected by it, there are millions of people for whom Soc. Sec. is their only source of income.  Just before Christmas you sent out the official announcement to all of us, that there would be no cost of living raise in Soc. Sec. benefits for retired people this year....again!  For the  second year in a row, the guidelines used to determine payments, supposedly showed that there had been no increase in the cost of living index (or some such thing).  Since the benefit payments are tied to that index, no increase there means no increase here!

Pardon me, but have any of you had dinner in a restaurant lately?  Have you tried to buy gasoline?  Tried to buy school clothes for your kids??  Have you even been to the grocery store????  I think not!!  Otherwise you would know, like everybody else does, that prices are climbing every day, practically exponentially!  Why doesn't your "index" reflect that??

In a hospital when a baby is attached to a bunch of different things showing BP, pulse, cardiac stuff, etc., and the results are displayed on a monitor, the nurses tell you, "Look at the baby, not the monitor."  Makes perfect sense.  The numbers don't tell the whole story, you have to look at the patient to see the reality!

May I suggest you try the same thing?  Forget the stupid numbers and statistics!  Look at us, the retirees on fixed incomes who are not getting any relief from Soc. Sec. I'm here to tell you that what I received last year didn't go very far,  and this year it's even worse.

Look at the baby, you dimwits!!

Mel

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