"The Uninvited Guest"

There are people who like all living creatures and others who are more selective about what creatures are tolerable and which are not!

I like most of the popular mammals....dogs, elephants, giraffes, people, gorillas, whales, dolphins, and so on.  They are generally fun or interesting to watch and/or get to know about.   I've known a number of dogs up close and personal and I've been known to spend extended periods of time at various zoos across the country watching the pandas or gorillas.  Mammals can be fascinating. 

There are exceptions of course.  Rodents are the spawn of the devil and MUST be destroyed!  As soon as possible would be fine!  That's not so unusual.  Most people don't care for the beady-eyed little critters.

I'm more ambivalent about birds, but I can admire much about them....their colorful plumage, their ability to fly, how cute they can be trying to find things to use in their nests, their songs.  I don't particularly care for some of their personal hygiene habits, however!!   (Once you've actually been pooped on, trust me, it changes you!!) 

For the most part insects are fairly tolerable and I can chase down inside spiders or lady bugs who visit and return them to their natural habitat.  I can spray wasps nests or ant hills or "bomb" a house to eliminate any roach species known to man!  Outside, insects and I have an agreement, I pretty much leave them alone and they leave me alone.  And that's just fine with both of us.  I'm not fanatical about bugs, the sight of one inside the house doesn't cause hysteria in me.  I can deal with it, and frequently do!

I don't like swimming in lakes very much because you frequently end up sharing the water with slippery,  slithery creatures with gills, who want to nibble on my ankles for some reason.  I don't swim well enough to feel comfortable actually swimming in deep ocean water.  So I've never been snorkling, or scuba diving to where it is deep enough to see the salt water fish.  That's what aquariums are for and there are a lot of wonderful ones all across the country where you can see the amazing variety up close without having to get your hair wet!

That leaves the reptiles....snakes and lizards.   ((....SHUDDERING....))  I reeeaaally can't stand reptiles of any sort.  I am 150% positive that the dinosaurs were large overgrown prehistoric reptiles, no matter what the "experts" theorize!  I am just sorry that whatever wiped out the dinosaurs, didn't take all the reptiles and lizards in one fell swoop (or one swell foop, depending on your mood!) 

I know that they have an important role in the food chain and the ecology and all that, but I just want them to take care of that role somewhere very far from me....like Antarctica! 

So where have I spent about 1/3 of my life??  In warm climates like Florida, Central California, and Texas!! 

 Florida didn't seem particularly over populated by reptiles.  There were supposedly a large number of snakes that lived in damp, swampy places, but I never saw one.  The only lizards I remember seeing were chameleons.  They were kind of cute in a way and they did tricks for our amusement!!  (Really!  What other creature do you know of that can change color at will?)  Of course, their palette was kind of limited, green or brown being the only choices, but it was still interesting to watch it happen.  They were usually no more than 4 or 5 in. long.  and they stayed outside with the plants where they belonged.

Although the reptile population of California was supposedly widespread they were by and large, pretty shy and I don't remember any personal encounters with either snakes or lizards.  So it was kind of a non-issue.

But now we live in Texas.  Oh my, my, reptiles LOVE Texas.  I've seen a few snakes, one notably on my back deck!! But he slithered away and I ran in the other direction, to our mutual satisfaction.

So what is left that makes me absolutely cross-eyed with discomfort?  In a word,  Geckos!!  Horrible, ugly, creepy Geckos.  They are everywhere!  On the plants, in the grass, on the buildings, by the pools, and if you are not enormously lucky....in the house!!   EEEEKK!  God, I hate them.  They are very nearly transparent and you can see their inside structure anytime they are near a light source.  They are incredibly fast when you get close.  They skitter at about the speed of light, to a spot possibly 2.7 feet away and come to a stop, where they stay until you move again, sending them another 2.7 feet away.  They don't move in straight lines!  Each spurt of movement can be in different directions, impossible to predict or catch!  And they are smaller than chameleons!  They are harder to see, being this sort of eerie, transparent flesh-tone!  Sometimes its not till they move that you are sure of what it is!

The adults come into the garage, leave whatever it is that turns into baby Geckos and leave again.  The little icky things are about 1.5-2 in. long and they can get in the smallest little spaces.  And once they're in, they stay in!   Ugh!! 

Texans will tell you that Geckos are good luck!  They even put statues of the creepy critters in their houses as decorations to bring them luck!   Oh, icky, icky!

The Big Guy tells me that they are more scared of me than I am of them!  HA!  If they're so scared, why the hell don't they move more than 2.7 feet at a time???  The idea of one crawling over me while I sleep, practically makes me break out in hives! 

To be totally honest, we don't usually get one in the house, mostly they stay in the garage or on the back deck (must be a reptile resort or something!)  But tonight, one has moved in.  Oh Goody, we have "An Uninvited Guest"!  It is hiding under the big chair in the corner of the living room.  When I asked the Big Guy to DO SOMETHING!  He said, "You got any ideas??"

Oh yeah, I've got an idea, you bet I've got an idea!!  "You can go...." but the Big Guy tells me that is physically impossible!

So, can I come stay at your house??  I promise I won't bring "an uninvited guest" with me!