Well, I actually reached and passed my 65th birthday. I never would have believed it, really! All my life I was pretty sure (and afraid) that I would die fairly young. I kind of picked it up from my dad, I guess. He thought he would die fairly young, because his mother died at age 55 (I think). When my dad died he was 3 months shy of his 60th birthday, still on the young side and only 5 years older than his mother.
After dad died, I was even more convinced that I would follow the pattern and definitely die before I hit 65. Well, surprise, surprise on me! I find this pretty remarkable because not only am I still living, I am in VERY good health (knocking on wood!) I think my grandmother had a number of strokes and heart problems several years prior to her death. My dad also had a stroke and several heart attacks before finally succumbing. So that was part of the pattern, I thought.
So here I am 65, no history of strokes, not one heart attack....b/p, cholesterol, thyroid, weight, all under control. Well, so, what do I do now?? :)
This whole dying thing would bother me in spurts. I wasn't totally incapacitated, sitting around waiting to die, but it wasn't ever too far from conscious thought and the littlest thing could bring the worry and fear right back to the forefront.
It was annoying to my friends and family. They all poo-pooed the whole pattern thing and said I was (dumb, stupid, crazy, ridiculous....pick-one, I heard them all) for worrying about it. And of course, that annoyed ME! It's not like I wanted to spend time worrying about when I would die. But if there is one thing I have learned in my 65 years, it is that you feel what you feel! No one else may understand it, and they may all think you're nuts, but my emotions and worries are as real to me as their's are to them!
So, like I said, here I am 65 years old, and still breathing! I have to admit that's a pretty terrific birthday gift, maybe even the best one I've ever gotten!
I guess it's time to go with my back-up plan. I just won't die at all! Yeah, that's the ticket! There, it's settled. What a relief!
Oh, by the way, if by some chance despite my good health and amazing longevity so far, I actually do die within the next year, that cackling and shrieking noise you hear in the background will be me, laughing from the great beyond somewhere, all the while yelling, "See, I TOLD YOU SO!"