"Things I Couldn't Say" (aka Dear So and So)

It's Friday, here we go with my latest batch to Dear So and So....filled with "Things I Couldn't Say"....

Dear Produce Farmers,

I'm not a big fan of fresh fruits of all kinds, I can pretty much take it or leave it.  If fruit is included as part of the meal (e.g., orange slices as a garnish, etc.) I will eat it but I don't add it regularly to my diet.  That's not your fault, my mother wasn't crazy about fruit either, it must be genetic!

I do, however, have a couple of things I will always buy at least once when they first come into season.... like watermelon (the little personal size ones are so cute and yummmmmy), sometimes plums or crispy sweet apples, and bing cherries!   All you growers do a particularly nice job with those! 

I would like to request that you spread out the plantings and harvest of my favorites throughout the year.    Having my favorites always ripe during the same 3 or 4 weeks of summer is just unfair.  If you could do plums in winter, cherries in spring, watermelon in summer, and apples in fall, I would have a much more balanced diet throughout the year. I bet a lot of people would like that!

Please let me know when you have adjusted your growing schedule!  It'd sure make me "Plum" happy! :)  I appreciate your cooperation in this matter.

Fruitlessly,
Mel


*****

Dear Air Conditioner.

I don't really mean to complain, and I realize you have been doing yeoman service for the last couple of summers dealing with the seemingly unending run of HOT days!  Austin has been having temps at or over 100F for the past two months straight (give or take a couple of days when it teased us with 95F instead). 

You have been keeping the house comfortably cool for the Big Guy when he's home, and as a reward I turn up the thermostat during the hottest part of the day, when he's not home so that you don't have to work so hard to emerge victorious over the HOT outside!

So this morning it seemed that you were not at your best; nope,  our indoor temp was higher than it was set for.  That makes me just a little nervous.  Please don't break down now!!  Pretty please!!  Do you know what it would cost and what the wait time would be to get a repairman out here when it's 100F+??   It doesn't bear thinking about!  So come on, you can do it sport!  Just a few more weeks tops!  Then it will moderate and you can rest because we won't ask so much of you!  But till then.....HANG IN THERE!

Keep it Cool, man!
Mel


*****

Dear Computer,

Well, your new trick is very impressive -- not that nice, you understand, but it is impressive.  You have actually managed to achieve something science has been theorizing about for centuries!   Yes, indeedy, you just might be the first computer that can LEARN!!  Wow!  Not only that, but you have learned something that could become something really useful.  But you're not quite there yet.  Trust me on this!

You don't mind if I share this wonderful development with my bloggy friends, do you?  I didn't think you'd mind.  So with fanfare blazing and drums beating a rhythm in anticipation,  here is my computer's newest accomplishment.   (Drum roll......)

My computer knows how to rest when it is tired. and how to freeze up when it is bored, and to (and this is the big news) TURN ITSELF OFF, show off a bunch of computer blue screens with rapidly changing gibberish .....uhhhhn....programming code (or something) and then TURN ITSELF BACK ON, OFFERING THE OPTION TO "RESTORE MY SESSION"!!!!  How about that?? 

That little maneuver can take approximately 10-15 minutes.  10 minutes I just have to sit here and wait till you finish playing around!! 

Artificial intelligence or pain in the @$$??    I think you probably know the answer to that question too, oh little Computer Guy hiding in my machine!!  I also think you probably can guess my most common reaction to this new trick!!  I can sum it up in just three little words!

KNOCK IT OFF!

Seething,
Mel, the Blogger Techno-Dweeb

*****

Dear Retailers,

This is directed at all of those stores which are, by their very nature, based on the principle of carrying an enormous range of things for sale, and frequently several different well-known brands of many of those things.  To clarify, this includes stores such as Walgreens, CVS, Target, K-Mart, Wal-Mart, and many grocery stores.  There has been a recent explosion of "store brand" merchandise.  For example, when looking for detergent, you might find Purex, Tide, Cheer, and in a very plain white bottle, "Target Laundry Detergent".  The Target brand would be a few cents cheaper.   You will find products of all sorts with a store brand as an alternative...toothpaste,  floor cleaner, baby wipes, tomato sauce, soup, even soft drinks.  The list goes on.

Ok, I can deal with that.  It's offering your customers a choice and a bit of a financial break.  What I cannot handle, however, is the ELIMINATION of some (if not all) of the name brand products!  This is called a monopoly (well, that's not really what it's called, but that's what it IS, kinda!) 

I have a lot of brand loyalty!  I was raised believing that loyalty is a good thing! I use Heinz Ketchup, Downy Fabric Softener, Pepsi, Contadina Tomato Paste, Campbell's Soups and so on.  I have been using those,  and other brands for upwards of 40 years!  I like them.  They are consistent, good quality, good taste, effective, and reasonably priced products!  Why should I change?   To save a few cents?  To me sacrificing quality and satisfaction is not balanced by a minor cost savings.

CVS (or whomever) have decreed that if you want soap, you will buy their brand.  Your only choice is to either buy the "store" brand or you don't buy soap!

Well, guess what guys?  I won't buy soap....at least not from you!  I'll go to the higher priced, upscale market and pay 25 cents more for a brand of soap I want!

So what if everybody did that??  Huh?  I'm waiting for an answer, here!

Annoyed,
Mel


*****

Dear Big Guy,

Congratulations on your weight loss so far!  I think you said if was 12 lbs at the last weigh-in!!  Cool!   I'm beginning to see the change in your face, so the rest of you will soon follow suit!  Good job! 

Before long I'll have to start calling you "Used-to-be-Big Guy!"

And, by the way, thank you for not suggesting I join you in the diet!

Contentedly chubby,
Mel

*****

Dear Blogland,

If you like Dear So and So, and want to give it a try, just pop over to Kat's Place at Three Bedroom Bungalow ( http://3bedroombungalow.blogspot.com/ ), hook up with her Linky and add your own! It's a great way to blow off steam, and you can read lots of other letters!

Your friend, Mel